Thanksgiving VICTORY!

Well, the votes are in, and my Thanksgiving was a complete success. My mother-in-law normally doesn't eat much, and doesn't like green bean casserole. She had a big plate of food, and then she went back for seconds of the green bean casserole, and kept raving about it. My father-in-law said it was one of the best Thanksgiving meals he's ever had. Then the wife's brother and his family showed up for talking, drinking, and Star Trek on Blu-ray. Good times.

The turkey was perfect... I'm going to brine the turkey every year from now on. The timing was awesome. My wife and a ran like chickens with their heads cut off to make sure everything finished at the same time, so we could serve it all up hot and all at once. The only bad part was that it was WAY TOO MUCH FOOD!

The most impressive part? When I went to bed last night, the kitchen was as clean as when I woke up in the morning. Not a single dirty dish or piece of trash in sight, or even hidden in the dishwasher. That's some fucking skill right there.

24 hours from now...

The turkey will be eaten, the dishes will be in the dishwasher, and we'll know how Joe's "cooking for the in-laws" experience went. It is a little nerve-wracking, since I'm really used to eating whatever, and they are used to eating the one specific thing they eat. I swear, in a way they are like small spoiled children. Once, my mother-in-law decided she was going to cook something, and she asked me where the garlic salt was. I told her that I didn't have any garlic salt, but I had plenty of garlic and salt that she could put together... she seemed to be almost insulted at the suggestion. My father-in-law is just a complainer.

Wish me luck... I might kick them out of my house. Just watch me!

Thanksgiving is going to be a NIGHTMARE!!!

I's has to cook Thanksgiving dinner for my in-laws Thursday. I don't think they've ever eaten anything I've cooked, so this should be interesting. We're having turkey, sausage stuffing, mashed potatoes, candied yams, corn, green bean casserole, corn muffins... something else? I can't remember. Brownies and cookies for dessert.

I got my turkey today. It is frozen solid, but since I didn't pay for it I'm not too worried. Free turkeys always taste better. I guess I'm going to brine it, if I can find something to brine it in... a trash bag in the sink is an option, come to think of it. Yummy. Then I'm going to "stuff" it loosely with a quartered orange, a cinnamon stick, fresh rosemary and sage, and a medium-sized monkey. It should all be good... and if not, maybe I can get my in-laws drunk enough so that they don't notice?

The neat bit is that we're eating on my wife's new plates and stuffs. I've never owned a gravy pitcher before... fancy stuff!

Well, my childhood was raped again...

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra... terrible goddamned movie. My 12 year old self is clutching his buttocks right now and wondering if he sat on a broomstick or got too close to a Catholic priest. It was dumb, loud, violated the laws of physics, ignored basic storytelling... and I still found time to nitpick the goddamned thing.

For instance, why is it that the Joes can afford ridiculous sci-fi hardware and a secret underground base, but can't buy Scarlett a fucking bra. She just got done fighting bad guys with laser-guided crossbow bolts. She should probably invest in a sports bra at some point.

Really? I can live without a logical arc for the character, or any sort of characterization, or even a couple of really good lines... but do her tits really need to flop around that much?

The rest of the story is about as well-supported as Red's boobies. Something about a group of evil folks with ultimate weapons, in a scheme to get an even ultimater weapon... ultimatist? Super-hyper-ultimate? It is FUCKING STUPID. Also, the American black dude in the movie is a weird moronic racial stereotype who is also brilliant enough to be a 1st Sergeant in the Army and also join an elite G.I. Joe team. The other black guy in the movie is Mr. Eco from Lost, but with an Australian accent and big machine guns, so that's ok.

Random Thursday doodads

• I decided to make steaks tonight. Unfortunately, I didn't pull any steaks out of the freezer until a couple of hours ago. Which is fine for my wife, she's got an 8oz. steak that thaws in the skillet. My steak is like a small roast, and may not be thawed until Easter. Oops.
• Speaking of holidays, my wife's whole family will be here next week, in shifts. Her brother and his family will be here one night, and then the in-laws will be here from Thursday until what will only feel like until Easter. Also, they are taking us to the Chart House restaurant, where the meals are scrumptious and cost a million dollars a plate. Caviar on the salad bar!
• I installed Windows 7 on my laptop last night. It is a free copy that "came with" the computer I bought in September, but only arrived yesterday. It was kind of cool to install the drivers in school, after a test.
• Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is the coolest game I've ever played. It is almost like REAL LIFE... except I don't get to kill that many people in real life, at least not on a daily basis.
• I need new glasses. I hate the idea of having to wear glasses, but I hate it even more that my glasses are so scratched up that I sometimes have a hard time seeing though them.
• Sarah Palin's new book, Shooting My Grandbaby's Daddy from a Helicopter, is already a huge bestseller... because right-wing organizations have bought thousands of copies that they are giving away for free. It reminds me of those school candy sales where the rich kids would get their parents to buy 400 boxes of candy the first week, so they could be top sellers and win cool prizes that they didn't deserve... which is A LOT like Sarah Palin, come to think of it.