- Re-reorganize my guitar stuff. Just because.
- Play guitar. Haven't been in the mood in awhile, which isn't ever a good sign.
- Alphabetize the pets. Getting them to hold still for it will be the challenge.
- Go to the bookstore and buy a cup of the overcaffinated coffee. Being wired and bored is always an interesting combination.
- Play Resident Evil 5 some more. After all, I haven't gotten a perfect score on every level on every difficulty, while collecting every hidden object, treasure, and weapon.
- Watch Religulous. I've got the impression that my wife doesn't have any interest in watching Bill Maher mock and destroy religious people.
- Braid my hair.
- Buy a wig, so I have enough hair to braid.
- I'm considering going bowling. We missed Sunday, and it will kill an hour or so.
- If the weather cooperates, I'm going to go for a walk.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Who are the assholes who are the first to turn off their headlights, and last to turn them on, even though it is goddamned pitch-black out? You've really got to save that headlamp lifespan, because you can't afford $12 every three years? Or are you just a sociopath?
If you are buying breakfast for 36 people, you really shouldn't use the drive-thru window. For the love of Satan, all I want is my fucking Egg-a-Mooby Muffin! The cunt in front of me is getting 17 bags passed to her, and all I can think about is ramming into her at top speed and killer her.
When a customer service guy on the phone asks you if you've done something basic like plugged in the computer, it isn't because he thinks you, specifically, are a moron. So, don't be mad at him. Be angry at that sizable minority of people who have called him and hadn't plugged in the computer! We need to identify those folks, and sterilize them.
Fight Club is the high point of the lives of everyone involved: Pitt and Norton have never been better, it is Fincher's best flick, and about the only book Palahniuk wrote that was worth a damn. Why couldn't they all have died in an explosion at the premiere?
Note to angry lesbian: more cock equals less cats. I understand that cock isn't your thing, and normally I wouldn't comment. However, when you have 2 horses, 4 dogs, and TWENTY-SEVEN FUCKING CATS!!!!!.... maybe you should take a shot in the mouth every now and again, and save thousands in Cat Chow? Just a suggestion. (This is in reference to a specific lesbian I knew personally, not towards all lesbians.)
Here's a suggestion for our friends in advertising. If you're making a movie trailer, and it contains the entire movie, including the break-up AND teary-eyed reunion? I'm not going to see your fucking film. Ever. That goes double for the retards who made the ads for When a Stranger Calls... if the twist of the movie is that the killer is in the house, and he pops up behind her just when she finds out on the phone, then IF YOU SHOW THE TWIST AND THE REVEAL IN THE AD, THERE'S NO MOTHERFUCKING REASON TO SEE YOUR STUPID LITTLE "FILM", IS THERE?
I walked into a guitar shop Saturday. I walked out angry. Gibson makes a guitar designed to look shitty, used, abused and broken... and they want $1000 for it. Peavey's "flagship" amplifier sounds like a boiled goat turd. Also $1000, not counting speakers, which is extra idiotic considering that their "budget amp" is half the price and sounds twice as good. Some people think is you spend more money, you automatically get more. Those people are suckers.
About this point, you're probably wondering how much more one man can rant. A lot more, trust me. This is just this morning's batch, we'll keep making more.
Anyone who listens to the right-wing media and thinks that they have a good point... bad people, don't date them, don't let your friends date them.
Hygiene is NOT AN OPTION. I'm not squeaky clean, but 5 minutes in the shower once or twice a day combined with some Speed Stick, aftershave, and clean clothing would make you much more pleasant to be around. The mall wasn't going anywhere, you could have taken the extra 10 minutes.
Anyone who uses "it is natural" or "it is unnatural" to support a claim about sexual behavior one way or another is an idiot and an asshole. It is also "natural" to rape and murder, "natural" to shit and piss everywhere, "natural" to die of cancer or even chicken pox. "Natural" don't mean shit, and means even less when you consider how unnatural it is to be expressing that thought on a COMPUTER. Hey Grizzly Adams, you aren't exactly roughing it in nature, are you?
Ok, that's enough... go on, go do whatever it is you do. No, I'm done, no more. Ok, one more, and that's it!
I got a Roboreptile for Xmas. Is there a particular reason that it required the Jaws of Life to extract the fucking thing from the box? The box itself was folded like origami and then taped up. Then the gizmo was secured to the box with about 3 dozen metal twist-ties. Then you have to unscrew two screws that hold its feet attached to a plastic block. I hope to Lucifer that this wasn't meant as an anti-shoplifting measure. The thing is about a yard long and 5 inches wide... was I going to put it in my back pocket? Under my hat? Down my pants, and claim I have the world's largest and most misshapen cock?
Sunday, March 22, 2009
2. What makes your wife happy? My cooking, and new makeup.
3. What makes your wife sad? Having to do dishes after I cook, no new makeup.
4. How does your wife make you laugh? She tries to throw the devil horns at me, and has some sort of weird hand seizure. Also, she can't wink.
5. What was your wife like as a child? Smaller and younger?
6. How old is your wife? 46
7. How tall is your wife? 5' something"
8. What is her favorite thing to do? Surf the Internet and read.
9. What does your wife do when you're not around? Read books on her Kindle.
10. If your wife becomes famous, what will it be for? Murdering me?
11. What is your wife really good at? Organizing.
12. What is your wife not very good at? Relaxing.
13. What does your wife do for a job? Nursing.
14. What is your wife's favorite food? Whatever I cook new becomes her new favorite food until I come up with something new.
15. What makes you proud of your wife? She's a go-getter, and she bounces back when bad things happen.
16. If your wife were a cartoon character, who would she be? I dunno... Jem?
17. What do you and your wife do together? Bowling, Scrabble, house-cleaning.
18. How are you and your wife the same? We're both big readers, huge movie fans, and generally like to stay home.
19. How are you and your wife different? I'm musical, she's not. She's organized and ambitious, and I'm not.
20. How do you know your wife loves you? She'd have kicked me out by now otherwise.
21. What does your wife like most about your you? My scalp.
22. Where is your wife's favorite place to go? She's a big fan of Ruby Tuesday this year?
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
- Getting my hair cut is kind of meh, but getting my scalp scrubbed and massaged afterwards is frakking gold.
- I woke up at some point last night to find myself completely covered in warm furry animals. It was kind of cute until I inhaled some shed hairs.
- Beer is nummy... until I have had too many, and then beer is icky. My tongue prevents alcohol poisoning. Thank you tongue!
- I'm absolutely convinced that I'm dying. I mean in the next three weeks. It doesn't actually cause me any real trouble, except I keep hoping I'll finish whatever book I'm on before I keel over from some sort of alien mutagen or freak fruitcart accident.
- You can't just install the Windows Vista disk that came with your Dell desktop onto your Acer laptop. Microsoft will find out eventually and shut your happy ass DOWN. Luckily, you can use the Dell disk with the Acer product key on the bottom of the computer. Good thing, too: I don't have $200 for a new Vista disk!
- John McCain is the worst dad of the year so far. When someone calls your daughter a fat, lonely loser who only states her opinion because she wants attention and can't find a boyfriend, a real father gets pissed off. John McCain makes excuses for the people who attack his daughter. Of course, John McCain is known to be looks-oriented: he divorced his first wife when she was in a car accident and lost her good looks.
- I know it is just a video game. I know it is made by Japanese people who have a different sensibility. But... Resident Evil 5 takes place in Africa. Did the Africans infected with the evil virus have to strip off their T-shirts and khakis, put on loincloths and warpaint, and carry spears and painted shields? Really?!?!
- I saw a truck today with a McCain/Palin sticker on one side, and a sticker with Obama in the crosshairs of a rifle on the other. Anyone who claims that Democrats are just as bad as Republicans are not only liars, but they are enabling people who hate America and consider violence and murder to be the proper punishment for Americans who disagree with them.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
2. Did you marry someone from your high school? Hell no. I'd still be there if I had.
3. Did you car pool to school? Sometimes. I didn't have the best car, and neither did my friends.
4. What kind of car did you have? Pontiac 6000 with like 200,000 miles.
5. What kind of car do you have now? 2006 Mustang
6. Its Friday night...where are you now? Watching Terminator and Dollhouse with my wife.
7. It is Friday night...where were you then? Out with my friends, movies and pizza.
8. What kind of job did you have in high school? I did a little burger-flipping.
9. What kind of job do you do now? I'm totally unemployed and going back to school.
10. Were you a party animal? Not really, my friends and I were too straight-laced.
11. Were you considered a flirt? I didn't think I was, but I found out later that I was oblivious to what other people thought of me in high school. I was actually more popular than I thought, so maybe I was flirting and didn't know it?
12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? No, no, and no.
13. Were you a nerd? I went to a really small school, so everyone had to fill 2-3 slots apiece, so generally the nerds were also jocks and/or really popular.
14. Did you get suspended from school? Suspended AND ARRESTED. It was frakking awesome!
15. Can you sing the fight song? I can't remember it, except I know there was a "fight fight fight!" at the end of it.
16. Who was/were your favorite teacher? I had a bunch of good teachers, and a great cross country coach. I was pretty lucky in that department.
17. Where did you sit during lunch? With whoever I happened to walk into the cafeteria with. I sat with different people all the time.
18. What was your school's full name? Surry Central High School.
19. Where did you party the most? I wouldn't call it "partying" but I went bowling pretty regularly.
20. What was your school mascot? Eagle.
21. Would you do it again? Knowing what I know now? Hells yeah!
22. Did you have fun at Prom? No. It was sort of dull.
23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? Nope.
24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? Not a chance.
25. Do you still talk to people from school? Not if I can help it.
26. What are/were your school's colors? Black and gold.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
It came with a miniature figure, a bonus disc, a calendar, a special metal case, a messenger bag, a patch and a necklace. Yeah... overkill, but what a thrill to pick it up this morning!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
On Glenn Beck's radio show last week, I quipped in response to our wayward federal government, "I may run for president of Texas."
That need may be a reality sooner than we think. If not me, someone someday may again be running for president of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Crooks and Liars: Politics made fun with extra snark... and video!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Cheers to all us thieves!
1. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? My house. No other place lets you sit down for dinner in your underwear.
2. What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it? I can't think of one... I'm a huge fan of variety!
3. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Wisdom teeth and tonsils.
4. What is the last heavy item you lifted? My ass.
5. Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Ain't no man, woman, or beast bad enough to knock me out!
6. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Who says I'm going to die?
7. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Repairman Jack
8. What’s your goal for the year? Not completely losing my shit.
9. Last person you hugged? My wife, of course.
10. First place you went this morning? The crapper.
11. Do you always answer your phone? I always DON'T answer my phone, and I change my number every year.
12. It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it? Barack Obama.
13. If you could change your eye color what would it be? Orange.
14. What’s on your wish list for your birthday? What isn't?
15. Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Neither. Hungry... we're making sushi!
16. Do you have any saved texts? Nope.
17. Ever been in a car wreck? A few, but I was able to drive away from all of them.
18. Do you have an accent? Several.
19. What was the last song to make you cry? I don't cry when I hear songs.
20. What did you do last night? Vacuumed the house with my new Dyson.
21. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? All the time. ALL THE TIME. Then I hit an even lower bottom. Good times!
22. Current hate right now? "Fiscal conservatives" going on TV saying that even though they have had decades to make their ideas work, and they never work, that we should give them one more chance to cut taxes and regulations... because THIS TIME it will work. After all, they have rebranded it by having a black guy and a woman say it!
23. Met someone who changed your life? My wife. I'm better for having married her.
24. How did you bring in the New Year? I created a website.
25. What song represents you? "Happy Birthday" now where are my presents!