Tomorrow!

My wife goes back to work tomorrow (the job hunt for me is too depressing to think about...)

She's got her lunch packed, and I've got... well, I've got to figure out what to do with myself while she's at work. I mowed the lawn today, so that's out. Here's a few ideas I had:

• Re-reorganize my guitar stuff. Just because.
• Play guitar. Haven't been in the mood in awhile, which isn't ever a good sign.
• Alphabetize the pets. Getting them to hold still for it will be the challenge.
• Go to the bookstore and buy a cup of the overcaffinated coffee. Being wired and bored is always an interesting combination. 
• Play Resident Evil 5 some more. After all, I haven't gotten a perfect score on every level on every difficulty, while collecting every hidden object, treasure, and weapon. 
• Watch Religulous. I've got the impression that my wife doesn't have any interest in watching Bill Maher mock and destroy religious people.
• Braid my hair.
• Buy a wig, so I have enough hair to braid. 
• I'm considering going bowling. We missed Sunday, and it will kill an hour or so. 
• If the weather cooperates, I'm going to go for a walk.
  

I'm going to do some blogging tomorrow, since it is going to be such and exciting, jam packed day, and I want to keep everyone in the loop!

Oh wow, but I feel terrible!

It has been a sickly sort of day. I woke up this morning at 8:00, and for some reason I couldn't drag myself out of bed until 9-ish. About 11:30 I was back in bed for a few more hours. Not sleeping as such, except maybe the last few minutes. Mostly listening my my iPod and relaxing. I've got a flu-like feeling, combined with all sorts of muscle aches. The whole day has been me feeling pain and suffering. Awesome!

Otherwise, not much going on. I've been sort of planning something for a few days, if I can maybe pull it off tomorrow. Kind of has to be tomorrow, all things considered. If it works out, there will be pictures! I'm sure you're all really looking forward to it... especially my wife, who is reading this and will shortly be poking me to tell her what I've got going on. The door to my office will be locked about 20 seconds after I post this... I'm hiding!

Not playing the meme game today.

I'm feeling absolutely terrible today. Blame the beer. Blame the blasted blueberry beer I bought by accident. I really shouldn't have drank it, but I did. I was having a great old time last night, and I didn't notice the rumbling in my stomach until it was too late, and I puked up the blueberry beer. It tasted about the same going up as it did going down... I always have this problem with weird beers. A few weeks ago I decided to try one of the "mojito" beers. I puked those up too, although it was not nearly as bad because they were all I had drank that day. Last night I put the blueberry beer in my tummy on top of a bunch of other beers. They had a big fight, and everyone lost. 

I felt so crappy that I didn't manage to get to bed until about 5:30. I woke up a few hours later, and I have been sweaty and shakey and irritable all day long. It was kind of nice that my wife wasn't interested in doing much, so we kind of lounged in the bed all day. Also, we got together in the kitchen and made empanadas together. We normally don't tag-team a cooking project, so this was a special treat. I think our meat filling came out even better than my mom's version, since we used salt instead of just adding more and more diced olives to make it more salty. Here in a minute I'm going to fry up tonight's batch, and we've got enough frozen for a couple of more nights of meat pie goodness. 

New rule: no more blueberry beer! Also, it is much easier to listen to a very short book turned into an audiobook, versus a very long one. I just got done listening to Anathem which is an awesome, great, wonderful book that I would recommend to everyone. I might not recommend listening to the 32 hour audio version. On the other hand, you can all go to iTunes or http://www.scottsigler.com/ and download Infected and Contagious as podcasts for free. It is a pretty cool deal, and since the books are MUCH shorter, they can be listened to pretty conveniently compared to a 900 page monster like Anathem. Good times!

Summer Memories

Yay?

It is hot here. Already. In March. 90 degrees. It is hot outside, it is hot inside. Hot hot hot hot hot. It doesn't help that the cats want in and out of the back porch. I don't like dealing with the heat. Never have, never will. It doesn't help that the humidity is all kinds of high this close to the coast. 

This isn't the hottest I've ever been. There was a summer I spent in 29 Palms, CA when I was in the Marines. I was there from June through September, most of that time in a canvas tent or an A-frame building with an aluminum roof. No air conditioning. Volcanic rock underfoot, that would reflect heat up and was so ridiculous hot that if you stood in one place for too long the soles of your boot would start to melt. Probably the worst of it was driving around in a Hummer with a canvas top, crammed in the back seat with the computer and wearing full combat gear for 18 hours a day. The sweat not only soaked through my clothing, but also completely through my flak jacket. The coldest water we had access to came from flax duck water bags tied to the side of the truck, and cooled by evaporation. Otherwise, it was hot water out of a canteen. 

For the first few weeks, while we were getting acclimated, we would get up at 6-7 in the morning, work until maybe 10:00 and then have the rest of the day off. If something vitally needed doing we would get back to it in that hour or two before it was completely dark. I have never played so many games of Spades in my entire life. I was there with the "advance party" that was tasked with setting up the tents and everything else for the rest of the folks. We didn't have much supervision, and the guy in charge was a surprisingly reasonable person considering the amount of years he spent in the Marines. He figured out how much work we would have to do every day in order to be done before everyone else showed up, and as long as we did that work he didn't care what we did with the rest of the day. It was actually a pretty good time. 

Then everyone else showed up, and the fun turned into all kinds of stupid. Some of the fun included having formations for no reason but to announce the next formation. There was a night where we were up until 4AM getting yelled at because some Second Lieutenant was the sort of stupid who gets people killed, and blamed his stupidity on us while not giving us a chance to check it and find his mistake for a few hours. There was the creepy Navy guy who decided to hang out in the showers for hours on end, wearing a pair of shorts and checking out our nekkid bodies...

All in all, I would prefer that sort of heat to this sort of heat. You know, the whole dry heat thing. That actually created a funny situation when we had a "cold"(70 degrees!) morning. One of my friends yells out "I'm not getting out of my sleeping bag, it is TOO COLD!" Someone else shouted at him to stop whining... at least it was a dry cold!  

More annoying "I need" stuffs

It is hard, because we are broke, we are moving, and we can't just go out and buy stuff. Nevertheless, there are things I feel like I need. It sucks the hind tit. 

One of those things I feel like I need is a new desk. It has gotten to the point that I am considering building my own desk, which will no doubt look very rough and unadorned, and might also be exactly what I want/need, and will almost certainly be cheaper than buying a very large, very complex desk. I simply don't have enough room. I've got to find room for the six surround speakers, two monitors, in-boxes, organizer, guitar/computer interfaces, plus a large enough stretch of extra space that I can spread out books and other things onto. I don't have $500-1000 to spend on the workstation of my dreams, but I might be able to buy raw lumber and build a useful-but-ugly extension onto this desk for $150 or less. 

By the same token, I am being seduced by the dream of buying a few hundred feet of audio cables and dozens of connectors, so that when I move into my new place I can wire things to the exact length I need them, bolt things down to the custom-built cabinetry, and have a "perfect" layout. Currently, I have a bunch of 20" cables. I don't need the length, but I don't have hundreds of dollars to replace them, so I am stuck with 200' of instrument cable in a 168 square foot room. When you add it to the computer connections, you wind up with a giant bird's nest of cables. It is a constant bother.

That's the sort of thing I cope with. It is actually sort of nice, because I have gone beyond most of my general "gimme gimme gimme" acquisitional desperation. As an example, I still look at pretty new guitars and fancy amplifiers and such, but I don't feel like it is worth it to get into hock to get ahold of it. At least, not as much as I used to. I still want to make ridiculous purchases for emotional reasons. On the other hand, there's a sense of reason involved now, where I only want new things for the sake of improving the use of the things I already have. I want to buy some things because they will make everything else run more efficiently. I want to buy organizational things, like a new filing cabinet. I feel like I could use a scanner, because the volume of paperwork we're dealing with is overwhelming. On the far end of reason, I want a wireless network connector for my Blu-ray player so that I can access online content for my movies. Maybe someday. Maybe for Xmas.

Anyhoo. I'm not going to spend a ton of money on anything. I can imagine buying a big piece of wood and sticking legs and shelves on it, and making it my new desk. I can even imagine someday buying new cables for all of my crap. It is all "someday" stuff... and it is all stuff that I can live without. Maybe that is the best part, that I am not consumed with the need for "stuff" as much as I have been. 

Great news!

I got my Wii back!

Maybe I should back up a bit. My Wii broke down about a month ago, and in the midst of everything going on, it was something that I really couldn't deal with... I don't have $250 for a replacement Wii, but without the console my hundreds of dollars worth of games and accessories become a worthless pile of crap that I can maybe sell for pennies on the dollar. What could I do?

Maybe I should back up a bit more. Last year my XBox 360 crashed hard, showing the "red ring of death." I panicked pretty badly, on account of the fact that it was way huge out of warranty. I did a little research, and discovered that the problem was so incredibly common that they were fixing everyone's XBox for free. FOR FREE!! I have to admit, I was just a little bit disappointed because I was going to totally trick my wife into letting me get a replacement XBox with a bigger hard drive, but on the other hand I saved $400. Microsoft sent me all of the shipping materials, a prepaid shipping label, and it went and came back and the whole thing took about two weeks.

Anyhoo, it turns out that my Wii was still under warranty. I sent it to Nintendo, and it is back and fixed and life is good once more. That empty place in my heart isn't empty anymore!

Free books!!

When I get done listening to Anathem (free audio book), I'm going to listen to Contagious by Scott Sigler (free audio book, in podcasted installments.) 

After that? There's a whole mess of free e-books I am going to check out, listed here on SFSignal.com which is about as awesome as awesome can get. You have to wonder how writers/publishers can afford to give away books, and still make a profit. The answer: 

Volume.

(Yes, click on it... don't be a chicken!)

No, really I think how it works is that you find a book for free, you like the author, and you hunt down their other work and pay for it. If someone's book isn't selling well anyway, they might as well give it away and hope to create a fan base for anything else they have written or will write. For instance, I've got a free e-book of Red Mars by Kim Stanley Robinson. It is the first of a trilogy, so I might buy the other two books, plus other things from this author. Without the free e-book, I might never read ANYTHING by Robinson. 

Kind of like a drug dealer, right? The first one is free to get you hooked, and then you start paying. Hell, I don't mind!

Nothing to report on...

... Except that I beat Resident Evil 5! Yay ME!

Well, I beat it on amateur level, and I didn't collect any of the collectable widgets, and I need to buy all the unlockable unlockables. Thank goodness I bought the handy strategy guide, so that I can complete 100% of the game, and get mad props from my online buddies... 

The things that bother me... part 11,928(with dirty words)

Originally written 2/5/2007

Why is it that when delivery guys say 'early morning", they mean early afternoon, and when they say afternoon they mean evening?

Who are the assholes who are the first to turn off their headlights, and last to turn them on, even though it is goddamned pitch-black out? You've really got to save that headlamp lifespan, because you can't afford $12 every three years? Or are you just a sociopath?

If you are buying breakfast for 36 people, you really shouldn't use the drive-thru window. For the love of Satan, all I want is my fucking Egg-a-Mooby Muffin! The cunt in front of me is getting 17 bags passed to her, and all I can think about is ramming into her at top speed and killer her.

When a customer service guy on the phone asks you if you've done something basic like plugged in the computer, it isn't because he thinks you, specifically, are a moron. So, don't be mad at him. Be angry at that sizable minority of people who have called him and hadn't plugged in the computer! We need to identify those folks, and sterilize them.

Fight Club is the high point of the lives of everyone involved: Pitt and Norton have never been better, it is Fincher's best flick, and about the only book Palahniuk wrote that was worth a damn. Why couldn't they all have died in an explosion at the premiere?

Note to angry lesbian: more cock equals less cats. I understand that cock isn't your thing, and normally I wouldn't comment. However, when you have 2 horses, 4 dogs, and TWENTY-SEVEN FUCKING CATS!!!!!.... maybe you should take a shot in the mouth every now and again, and save thousands in Cat Chow? Just a suggestion. (This is in reference to a specific lesbian I knew personally, not towards all lesbians.)

Here's a suggestion for our friends in advertising. If you're making a movie trailer, and it contains the entire movie, including the break-up AND teary-eyed reunion? I'm not going to see your fucking film. Ever. That goes double for the retards who made the ads for When a Stranger Calls... if the twist of the movie is that the killer is in the house, and he pops up behind her just when she finds out on the phone, then IF YOU SHOW THE TWIST AND THE REVEAL IN THE AD, THERE'S NO MOTHERFUCKING REASON TO SEE YOUR STUPID LITTLE "FILM", IS THERE?

I walked into a guitar shop Saturday. I walked out angry. Gibson makes a guitar designed to look shitty, used, abused and broken... and they want $1000 for it. Peavey's "flagship" amplifier sounds like a boiled goat turd. Also $1000, not counting speakers, which is extra idiotic considering that their "budget amp" is half the price and sounds twice as good. Some people think is you spend more money, you automatically get more. Those people are suckers.

About this point, you're probably wondering how much more one man can rant. A lot more, trust me. This is just this morning's batch, we'll keep making more.

Anyone who listens to the right-wing media and thinks that they have a good point... bad people, don't date them, don't let your friends date them.

Hygiene is NOT AN OPTION. I'm not squeaky clean, but 5 minutes in the shower once or twice a day combined with some Speed Stick, aftershave, and clean clothing would make you much more pleasant to be around. The mall wasn't going anywhere, you could have taken the extra 10 minutes.

Anyone who uses "it is natural" or "it is unnatural" to support a claim about sexual behavior one way or another is an idiot and an asshole. It is also "natural" to rape and murder, "natural" to shit and piss everywhere, "natural" to die of cancer or even chicken pox. "Natural" don't mean shit, and means even less when you consider how unnatural it is to be expressing that thought on a COMPUTER. Hey Grizzly Adams, you aren't exactly roughing it in nature, are you?

Ok, that's enough... go on, go do whatever it is you do. No, I'm done, no more. Ok, one more, and that's it!

I got a Roboreptile for Xmas. Is there a particular reason that it required the Jaws of Life to extract the fucking thing from the box? The box itself was folded like origami and then taped up. Then the gizmo was secured to the box with about 3 dozen metal twist-ties. Then you have to unscrew two screws that hold its feet attached to a plastic block. I hope to Lucifer that this wasn't meant as an anti-shoplifting measure. The thing is about a yard long and 5 inches wide... was I going to put it in my back pocket? Under my hat? Down my pants, and claim I have the world's largest and most misshapen cock?

I've got a sort of idea...

Part of the reason I don't have tons of things to say is that this is not my first blog. In the interest of bringing you some of my more entertaining rants, I'd like to post a few of those old entries over the next few weeks.

Interestingly, I'm much less angry now than I was then. I was working a third shift factory job and hating every minute. Even though things now are more stressful, at least they are not horrible like they were a few years ago.

Anyhoo, I hope everyone enjoys!

Sunday Stealing: The Family Meme

Sunday Stealing: The Family Meme

1. What is something your wife always says to you? "You're cute"

2. What makes your wife happy? My cooking, and new makeup.

3. What makes your wife sad? Having to do dishes after I cook, no new makeup.

4. How does your wife make you laugh? She tries to throw the devil horns at me, and has some sort of weird hand seizure. Also, she can't wink.

5. What was your wife like as a child? Smaller and younger?

6. How old is your wife? 46

7. How tall is your wife? 5' something" 

8. What is her favorite thing to do? Surf the Internet and read.

9. What does your wife do when you're not around? Read books on her Kindle.

10. If your wife becomes famous, what will it be for? Murdering me?

11. What is your wife really good at? Organizing. 

12. What is your wife not very good at? Relaxing.

13. What does your wife do for a job? Nursing.

14. What is your wife's favorite food? Whatever I cook new becomes her new favorite food until I come up with something new. 

15. What makes you proud of your wife? She's a go-getter, and she bounces back when bad things happen.

16. If your wife were a cartoon character, who would she be? I dunno... Jem?

17. What do you and your wife do together? Bowling, Scrabble, house-cleaning.

18. How are you and your wife the same? We're both big readers, huge movie fans, and generally like to stay home.

19. How are you and your wife different? I'm musical, she's not. She's organized and ambitious, and I'm not. 

20. How do you know your wife loves you? She'd have kicked me out by now otherwise.

21. What does your wife like most about your you? My scalp.

22. Where is your wife's favorite place to go? She's a big fan of Ruby Tuesday this year?

Grinding my way through...

Since the current personal situations... I've had a really hard time focusing. It sucks pretty bad, especially since I've got some fucking awesome books to read. I'm dragging myself through Anathem, which has just been nominated for a Hugo award. It is an AWESOME book, and I wish I could sit down and finish it! I've even got the audio book, with the plan of listening when I can't sit and read. Not working. I've still got more than a third of the book left.

Resident Evil 5? Taking me way too long to finish, on account of how I can't seem to sit and play for more than 20-30 minutes without losing my motivation.

I've got to get my head together... this giant pile of books isn't going to read itself!

No hand strength...

Never had it. Never will. It isn't a new thing either, I have dealt with it my whole life. It isn't as though I have a totally weak grip, it is just that my hands get very tired, very quickly especially when compared to the rest of my muscles. So if, for instance, I don't get the lid off of the jar on the first try, I'm not getting the lid off at all. It was always a weird sort of thing, especially when I was younger and in better shape. When I was in high school, I could bench press 40-50 pounds more than my body weight, but I could barely do more than 4-5 chin-ups before my hands would lose their grip on the bar. 

It followed me into the Marines, which was really bad because chin-ups are part of the Physical Fitness Test (PFT) and the PFT score is part of what determines whether or not you get promoted. I didn't have any problem with the running or the sit-ups, but when I had to grab the bar, I was in trouble. When I first enlisted, it didn't matter as much because you could do a "kipping" pull-up, which involves swinging your legs and transfering the back and forth momentum upwards by flexing your hips. Using that method, I could crank out the 20 chin-ups needed for the maximum score before my hands slipped off of the bar. By my last year, they changed over to a dead-hang method where you had to go straight up and down... big trouble for Joe!

These days, I still have issues with hand strength. My bowling is negatively affected by the fact that my hands get tired easily. I have issues opening jars. Worse than any of that is what happened to me last week. When the battery died in the car, I went and bought another battery and changed them out. In removing the old battery, I had to really pull and tug and finesse the connectors off, especially where the corrosion was heaviest. Somewhere in their, I sprained my frakking hand! Even better, it really isn't healing as quickly as I would like. I had to skip bowling last week, and I might have to skip again this week. I'm very non-happy about the whole thing.

Honestly, I think I might be better off chopping the hand off and getting a hook.

Blogging in the morning...

This is sort of different for me these days, on account of I normally blog in the afternoon/evening. The reason why? I think that I'm waiting for something new and different to happen for a change. I just don't see that happening, so I figured I would go ahead and get the posting out of the way for the day. 

Today's topic? Re-reading old favorites. Last night I had my wife buy me a book of Harlan Ellison short stories on her Kindle, because I can read her Kindle books on my iPod. It has one of my more favorite stories in it, "Alive and Well and on a Friendless Voyage." Funny thing happened as I was reading it last night: I realized that I had never understood the story at all. Of course, to be fair the last time I read it was probably 12-13 years ago. I was much younger then, and a much more literal person than I am now. I had it exactly backwards... as it often turns out. If you get a chance to check out ANYTHING by Harlan Ellison, you should jump on it. Even the weaker stuff is energetic enough to be worth a read.

It makes me want to go back and read everything I'veever read, all over again. After that I can watch every movie I've ever seen, and look for more things I've missed. I know I need to read Stephen King's whole Dark Tower series again, on account of the fact that King has gone back and edited the earlier books in order to make them mesh better with the newer books. Of course, the upshot of this is that I don't have to spend any money to re-read or re-watch the boxes of books and movies that are currently parked in the garage. 

Random Thoughts

Just because I have nothing specific to write about:

• Getting my hair cut is kind of meh, but getting my scalp scrubbed and massaged afterwards is frakking gold.
• I woke up at some point last night to find myself completely covered in warm furry animals. It was kind of cute until I inhaled some shed hairs.
• Beer is nummy... until I have had too many, and then beer is icky. My tongue prevents alcohol poisoning. Thank you tongue!
• I'm absolutely convinced that I'm dying. I mean in the next three weeks. It doesn't actually cause me any real trouble, except I keep hoping I'll finish whatever book I'm on before I keel over from some sort of alien mutagen or freak fruitcart accident.
• You can't just install the Windows Vista disk that came with your Dell desktop onto your Acer laptop. Microsoft will find out eventually and shut your happy ass DOWN. Luckily, you can use the Dell disk with the Acer product key on the bottom of the computer. Good thing, too: I don't have $200 for a new Vista disk!
• John McCain is the worst dad of the year so far. When someone calls your daughter a fat, lonely loser who only states her opinion because she wants attention and can't find a boyfriend, a real father gets pissed off. John McCain makes excuses for the people who attack his daughter. Of course, John McCain is known to be looks-oriented: he divorced his first wife when she was in a car accident and lost her good looks. 
• I know it is just a video game. I know it is made by Japanese people who have a different sensibility. But... Resident Evil 5 takes place in Africa. Did the Africans infected with the evil virus have to strip off their T-shirts and khakis, put on loincloths and warpaint, and carry spears and painted shields? Really?!?!
• I saw a truck today with a McCain/Palin sticker on one side, and a sticker with Obama in the crosshairs of a rifle on the other. Anyone who claims that Democrats are just as bad as Republicans are not only liars, but they are enabling people who hate America and consider violence and murder to be the proper punishment for Americans who disagree with them.

Terrible Night's Sleep and other Entertainments

I have slightly odd sleep habits. I go to bed with my wife at the same time she does, but I usually fall asleep a couple of hours later. Part of the reason is that I snore, and it keeps her up, so I don't feel comfortable falling asleep until I hear her snoring first. After a few months of it, it has become habitual. So, if we go to bed at 10:00, my wife sleeps from 10:30-6:30, and I sleep from about midnight to 8:00. 

Last night, we had meatballs and pasta. Something in it made my wife's stomach upset, and it kept her up until 1-2 in the morning. Guess what time I finally fell asleep? That's right, a couple of hours later. Then I woke up when the dog woke up and wanted walking. At no point was I asleep for more than about 2 hours straight. I was up and out of bed by 9:00 or so. I feel like boiled goat asshole.

As I'm typing this, it is 11:20, and I'm trying to figure out what I should do. If I take a nap, I risk sleeping 4-5 hours, and being up all night again. I can try to stay up, collapse right after dinner, and wake up at 3AM. I'm struggling with it pretty hard at this point. In the meanwhile I've got to find something to do to occupy myself, that doesn't involve going out and spending a bunch of money. I have a few movies I can watch, if I can get enough motivation together. Otherwise I'm too tired to do any packing, too frazzled to play Resident Evil 5. My wife is cooking dinner tonight... I can't even handle thinking about it.

Driving Me INSANE!!!!

The animals are making me lose it, big time. I think it is a consequence of the current situation: I have very little to do. I'm home all the time, the wife is home all the time, and the animals are out of their old habits. Their NEW habits include harassing me all the time, climbing in my face while I'm eating, jumping on me when I'm sleeping. None of us deal with change very well.

In other news... there is no other news. Better luck next blog.

Sunday Stealing: A High School Meme

Here we go again with the only meme I do. Click here to play along!

1. Did you date someone from your school?  Not really. I didn't really start dating until college.

2. Did you marry someone from your high school?  Hell no. I'd still be there if I had. 

3. Did you car pool to school?  Sometimes. I didn't have the best car, and neither did my friends.

4. What kind of car did you have?   Pontiac 6000 with like 200,000 miles.

5. What kind of car do you have now?  2006 Mustang

6. Its Friday night...where are you now?  Watching Terminator and Dollhouse with my wife.

7. It is Friday night...where were you then?  Out with my friends, movies and pizza.

8. What kind of job did you have in high school?  I did a little burger-flipping.

9. What kind of job do you do now?  I'm totally unemployed and going back to school.

10. Were you a party animal?  Not really, my friends and I were too straight-laced.

11. Were you considered a flirt?  I didn't think I was, but I found out later that I was oblivious to what other people thought of me in high school. I was actually more popular than I thought, so maybe I was flirting and didn't know it?

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?  No, no, and no.

13. Were you a nerd?  I went to a really small school, so everyone had to fill 2-3 slots apiece, so generally the nerds were also jocks and/or really popular.

14. Did you get suspended from school?  Suspended AND ARRESTED. It was frakking awesome!

15. Can you sing the fight song?  I can't remember it, except I know there was a "fight fight fight!" at the end of it.

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher?  I had a bunch of good teachers, and a great cross country coach. I was pretty lucky in that department.

17. Where did you sit during lunch?  With whoever I happened to walk into the cafeteria with. I sat with different people all the time.

18. What was your school's full name?  Surry Central High School.

19. Where did you party the most?  I wouldn't call it "partying" but I went bowling pretty regularly.

20. What was your school mascot?  Eagle.

21. Would you do it again?  Knowing what I know now? Hells yeah!   

22. Did you have fun at Prom?  No. It was sort of dull.

23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? Nope.

24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion?  Not a chance.

25. Do you still talk to people from school?  Not if I can help it.

26. What are/were your school's colors?  Black and gold.

Went to see Watchmen!!

BEST MOVIE EVER!!!

OK, maybe not the best, but it was pretty damned impressive. I don't know if anyone who hasn't read the graphic novel will have any interest in it, but I loved it.

Didn't need the giant blue pecker... 

Resident Evil... FIVE!

Since I've decided to pursue a career in saying "Viewer Discretion is... advised." before TV shows, I've been practicing my low, semi-sinister voice. It works perfectly for the titles of horror films and zombie-filled video games as well. The latest game in the Resident Evil series was released today, and I'm just saying the title over and over again, in over-the-top voiceover tones. I pre-ordered the special edition and strategy guide, and this is what I got:

It came with a miniature figure, a bonus disc, a calendar, a special metal case, a messenger bag, a patch and a necklace. Yeah... overkill, but what a thrill to pick it up this morning!

I've got a long history with these games, dating back to the first game way back in 1996. I was in the Marines, I broke my ankle really badly and spent a month home on leave. While I was there I picked up a Playstation. It was $300, but I had enough money in the bank from my hospital stay that I was able to afford it easily. Later that year, I picked up the first Resident Evil game. It was the beginning of a new genre of video games, "survival horror" in which there are true scares, and the goal is to make it out alive instead of worrying about a score. The voice acting and script were as terrible as anything else in the game, but otherwise it was pretty damned awesome. I played most of the sequels as well, although I missed the ones on portable game systems. There have been tons of games since then that have used the "survival horror" theme with varying levels of success, like the Silent Hill games, but the original is still the best. I've also got all of the live-action movies on Blu-ray. I'm kind of a fan... and I'll be neck-deep in the new game this evening and through the weekend. Yay! 

Chuck Norris is Batshit Crazy

Things seem to be settling down around here. Wife has a job, which is a huge relief. The dog got her claws clipped today which is a great bit of news. I'm not sure what exactly we're going to do next, but I think everything is going to be OK. 

On the other hand, Chuck Norris is batshit crazy. He's a terrible actor, who hasn't been in a hit movie in a few decades. His current claim to fame is Internet lists proclaiming his awesomeness... and he seems to have let it go to his head. Here's what he's got to say on WorldNutDaily, a lunatic fringe right-wing website:

On Glenn Beck's radio show last week, I quipped in response to our wayward federal government, "I may run for president of Texas."

That need may be a reality sooner than we think. If not me, someone someday may again be running for president of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state.

Yep. Chuck Norris is suggesting that Texas secede from America, because his party lost the election and he's gone completely bugfuck bonkers. I know what you're all thinking: "Sure Joe, but he's just a bad actor running his mouth. Why should we care?" Besides the fact that Chuck Norris is advocating treason, he's also speaking to an audience that seems more willing to commit violent actions in the name of their insane right-wing, anti-American worldview. Between 1995 and 2005, there have been 60 right-wing domestic terrorist plots. Last year, a big fan of Fox "News" and Rush Limbaugh put their incendiary anti-liberal rhetoric into action, and shot up a Unitarian Church. There have been several serious plans to assassinate President Obama. Just the other day, I read about a white supremacist who had nuclear material and the components to construct a "dirty bomb."

Of course, unless the person being accused of terrorism is Muslim, we never hear about it... and yet it is clear that angry right-wing Caucasians are the more significant threat. Those are the people who are listening to Chuck Norris advocate armed insurrection and treason, and are just waiting for the right signal or message to launch attacks against us. Good job Chuck, good job Glenn Beck and Fox Noise, way to be "patriotic" by fanning the flames of right-wing extremism.

Quick Question:

This is political, so feel free to ignore it.

If Obama and the Democrats in general are "far left extremists" as described by Fox News and elements in the mainstream media... then why is it that Obama enjoys a 65%+ approval rating, and Democrats in Washington have a much higher approval rating than Republicans?

This comes up a whole lot with right-wing rhetoric... if the majority of Americans disagree with you, does that mean that most Americans are "far left" or does it means that you are batshit crazy, and so far to the extreme right that everyone to the left of you appears to be an extremist?

That means you, Ann Coulter.

We interrupt this rant for breaking news!

I was going to post about how batshit crazy Chuck Norris is getting in his old age. I decided to make a quick trip to the store for some beers first. When I got the beer and myself back into the car... the car wouldn't start. Dead battery. I spent the last 90 minutes dealing with the car. After that experience, it is hard to care much about Chuckles and his plan to stage an armed revolt against the American government.

Instead, I have been thinking about how very, VERY lucky I am. The store is a mile away, my wife was home, and we had enough money to buy  a new battery. I could have had to wait a few hours for my wife to come get me. I could have been broke, and not had any way to buy a new battery.

I could have been on my way home from my in-laws today, if I had decided to spend one more day with them, and the car could have died somewhere hours away from any help at all. 

Yeah... I'm pretty damned lucky.

I'm HOME!!

And thank goodness! My in-laws wanted me to stay an extra day, and then they wanted me to come back on my way from my parents' house. NO!!!!!

The whole thing was a nightmare. I got to the in-laws at about 3 in the afternoon, and besides a dinner break I was working on their computers until 10-ish. No air conditioning at their house, because they have the thermostat set at 77. DAMN HOT. At dinner, I had a beer that tasted like vinegar. It was the only meal I had eaten since the previous afternoon, and my beer was nasty! I slept for crap, woke up at 3AM, fell back asleep at 5AM, and slept until about 7:45... and my M-i-L gave me shit about it. Cold bacon, slimy scrambled eggs for breakfast, then they made me walk with them for a couple of miles. I couldn't get out of there fast enough!

4 hours later, I got to my parents' house. Yay? I set up THEIR new computer, and sort of sat there in a daze until it was time for bed. Hardest bed I have ever slept on, horrible pillows, worst night sleep in a year or more. Spent Sunday driving around with my dad, and trying to teach him a little about not breaking his new computer. Bought pillows, switched beds, slept great. Spent all day Monday waiting for the cable guy to show up and connect the Internet. The afternoon and evening were eaten up with me trying to explain to my mother what a "link" is on a "website"... this spells trouble long term, especially with all the whining about the computer costing so much money. 

Today... today I get pulled over by a cop for "following too closely" and he tells me that he's going to give me a warning. I sit there for about 20 minutes, and then I have to get out of the car. Apparently, there's a fugitive Columbian crime lord with the same name and birthday as me, and therefore I had to be frisked and have my car searched. Yeah, I know. But if I don't submit to the search they make me wait longer, and I still had 4 hours left to drive. The cop was pretty cool about the whole thing, and really did the absolute minimum search possible. The only thing that came out of my full trunk was one of the pillows I bought. 

I'm home now, everything is right with the world at least until tomorrow, and I'm not leaving the house tomorrow unless it catches on fire. 

Traveling Sucks!

I'm here, I finally got internet, I even got a night's sleep.

Details to follow.

Where Oh Where Is the Wi-Fi

Joe had trouble tracking down a wi-fi spot in his hometown, so he asked me let everyone know he's missing FL, and will be home soon.  He should have internet tomorrow at his parent's house, which is a good thing...he's suffering withdrawal, methinks :)

Saturday backup post

If you're reading this, it means that I couldn't find Internet access on the road. Bummer, right? In the spirit of missing the Internet, I'm going to list some of the things I check out regularly on my RSS feed:

I Can Has Cheezburger: Lolcats rulz!

Crooks and Liars: Politics made fun with extra snark... and video!

There was going to be funny political video here, but I failed to make it happen. I'm sorry!- IJ 

io9: All the science fiction you can stand, and more!

Hollywood Tuna : Because celebrity gossip, embarassing photos, and pictures of random chicks with big boobs is always a good time. 

On the road again...

Sweet Baby Satan, I hate driving! 

First off, I get sleepy. I spent four years in the Marines, and every time we went out to play G.I. Joe in the woods, the times we were driving around were a perfect time to catch a few minutes(or sometimes hours) of sleep. I got conditioned to associate the whole "being inside a moving vehicle" thing with sleeping. Secondly, I can't stand other drivers... I don't like other people much, and these people are moving really fast in big hunks of metal and plastic while trying to come as close as possible to killing me without actually finishing me off. Third, I don't like being stuck in one place for long periods of time. Drives me NUTS. Usually, when I'm at home I surf the Internet for a few minutes, then I go watch TV, then I read a book, and I cycle through every distraction I can find. In a car, I guess you can change radio stations, but that's about it.

Worse is driving by myself. I'm probably going to call my wife a hundred times today, to at least have some company. Then at the end of it, I'm stuck facing the in-laws by myself. They are nice enough people, and I know that most people have it much worse when it comes to their spouse's family... but it is still a little weird and awkward for me. My wife and I have been married for four years now, and every time I see her parents still feels like an audition. Being in their house by myself, without my wife as backup, is a pretty stressful thing for me.

Then? I have to drive 4-5 more hours to see MY parents, and deal with their terrible guest bed, loud barking dog, and the little things about them that made me want to move out in the first place. I'm going to survive this, I'll probably have at last some bits of fun with BOTH sets of parents...

... but I'll be VERY FUCKING HAPPY when I get home. I miss my wife, my pets, and my stuff already!

Packing for my trip...

I'm leaving for my in-laws first thing tomorrow morning, which means I need to pack tonight. That could be a problem, because every time I go anywhere I tend to overpack. Not much room in the Mustang, but I have to make it all fit somehow. 

I've always been this way, ever since I was in high school. I would pack out for track meets an hour or two from home at the most, in this gigantic duffle bag. I carried extra sweats, extra street clothes, tons of socks and underwear, at least three pairs of shoes, a little umbrella, trash bags, a first aid kit, some granola and beef jerky, a couple of books to read, a blanket, and a little toolkit. I didn't mean for it to happen, of course. It started out with the socks, shoes, and extra sweats. The second cross country meet I went to was the day after a pretty big rainstorm, so we all got soaking wet and dirty. After the race, I had to put on the same dirty and soggy clothing for my cool-down run. Then I was stuck in wet shoes for a few more hours. From then on, I started packing extra dry clothing. 

From there it just grew. Every time I went out, and I thought "man, I wish I'd remembered to bring X" I made a point of packing X for the next trip. I carried a little notebook in a zip-lock bag, and I'd write myself notes. I kept having to get bigger and bigger bags, until I was carrying a duffle bag almost big enough to sleep in. It got absolutely ridiculous, but the one time I tried to scale back was a nightmare of not having the stuff I needed to get by.

I did the same thing in the Marines. I always packed extra stuff everywhere I went. I didn't have to carry any of it on my back, so I felt free to overload. I spent my enlistment dealing with various computers and sundry equipment, and my unit's motto was "If you can't truck it, fuck it!" We had trucks and trailers, and we could pack as much personal gear as we wanted. I had a little Rubbermaid "nightstand" with a battery-powered lamp next to my cot. I packed so many extra packs of cigarettes that people started thinking of me as a cigarette store. I started bringing extra cartons to sell to people at a pretty heavy mark-up, because you can charge whatever you want when there's no store and your next chance to buy smokes is 4 days away. I just carried too much stuff!

Now I'm going to see both sets of parents, and I'll probably be back here next Tuesday or Wednesday at the very latest. Five days, give or take. I'm packing clothing, my laptop, my bowling bag, a guitar and maybe an amp, plus my parents' computer. Should I bring less than 10 pairs of socks? Maybe... but do I dare?

Didn't I already blog today?

It is kind of hard to tell, when  you're on the sort of streak that I'm on. In the last 6 months I have gone from not really blogging at all to blogging every single day. On some level, it is incredible to think that anyone really has that much to say. On the other, it is incredible that I haven't blogged more... all things considered. 

Of course it never seems like I write about the things I expect to write about. I was sure I would have much more "Friday Why" material. Turns out that yelling at abstract stupid people wasn't nearly as compelling as first assumed. I also figured general conversation against religion would go on, but I just sort of... the same way atheism isn't a belief, it isn't much of a topic either. I'm also trying to be a lot more positive here than I expected I would be. I guess part of it is that I wanted to have a blog that would have happy comments or none at all? Who knows?

Anyhoo, I guess this would be a good time to thank all of my regular readers. You guys are AWESOME! I'll be trying my hardest to get some online time on my trip north this weekend, in order to blog "from the road" if possible. This blog is important enough to me that I really, really hate to deprive my regular readers of my dry little nuggets of wisdom.

Went shopping...

... for my parents's new PC. Their old computer is about 10 years old and sucks the big one. Their new one that I just bought has a 640 GB hard drive and 4GB of RAM. I'm not sure what my dad is going to do with all of those 3.5" floppy disks... *chuckle*

The plan is that I'm going to set it up here, so that when I get to my parents' house I can connect it and have it up and running fairly quickly, and hook it up to the Internet the next day. Yes, my parents aren't online yet, in 200-fucking-9! I'm not looking forward to the drive, but I'm more afraid of trusting hundreds of dollars of equipment to my parents. This could be bad, bad juju!

Going on vacation, sort of...

My parents and my in-laws see me as some sort of giant computer genius. The in-laws have bought a new computer, and they want me to set it up. My parents want me to buy their computer for them, and set it up. Since I don't have anything else to do, I'll be taking a trip up north this weekend in order to deal with both sets. Given our current situation, my in-laws are going to pay expenses for me to make the trip, which is mighty nice of them. 

It will be nice, I guess... I love my wife dearly, but since she's been out of work and I've been out of school we've spent WAY too much time together. I'm sure she could use a break from my constant presence as much or more than I could use a break from her. And any vacation from the constant needs of the cats and dog is a blessing. 

The only real problem is that I HATE DRIVING! Hate isn't even the right word, but I don't know how to cuss in Arabic. 6-7 hours up to the in-laws, and three hours more to my parents... and then an 8-9 hour drive back, in the space of just a couple of days. Not cool, friends and far-off neighbors. Not cool at all. I'll have my iPod at least. 

Sunday Stealing: The Procrastination Tool Meme

Sunday Stealing: The Procrastination Tool Meme

Cheers to all us thieves! 

1. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? My house. No other place lets you sit down for dinner in your underwear.

2. What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it? I can't think of one... I'm a huge fan of variety!

3. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Wisdom teeth and tonsils.

4. What is the last heavy item you lifted? My ass.

5. Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Ain't no man, woman, or beast bad enough to knock me out!

6. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Who says I'm going to die?

7. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Repairman Jack

8. What’s your goal for the year? Not completely losing my shit.

9. Last person you hugged? My wife, of course.

10. First place you went this morning? The crapper.

11. Do you always answer your phone? I always DON'T answer my phone, and I change my number every year.

12. It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it? Barack Obama.

13. If you could change your eye color what would it be? Orange.

14. What’s on your wish list for your birthday? What isn't?

15. Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Neither. Hungry... we're making sushi!

16. Do you have any saved texts? Nope.

17. Ever been in a car wreck? A few, but I was able to drive away from all of them.

18. Do you have an accent? Several.

19. What was the last song to make you cry? I don't cry when I hear songs.

20. What did you do last night? Vacuumed the house with my new Dyson. 

21. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? All the time. ALL THE TIME. Then I hit an even lower bottom. Good times!

22. Current hate right now? "Fiscal conservatives" going on TV saying that even though they have had decades to make their ideas work, and they never work, that we should give them one more chance to cut taxes and regulations... because THIS TIME it will work. After all, they have rebranded it by having a black guy and a woman say it!

23. Met someone who changed your life? My wife. I'm better for having married her.

24. How did you bring in the New Year? I created a website. 

25. What song represents you? "Happy Birthday" now where are my presents!