Sunday Stealing: The Monkey's Meme

Sunday Stealing: The Monkey's Meme

1. Name one person who made you smile today: No one... I haven't smiled much today. I got up and started mowing.

2. What were you doing at 8am this morning? Trying my best not to wake up.

3. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Mowing the lawn.


4. What is your favorite candy bar? 3 Musketeers.

5. Have you ever been to a strip club? There was a time in my life when I rarely WASN'T in a strip club!
6. What was the last thing you had to drink? Sweet tea.

7. What was the last thing you ate? Cheeseburger and fries last night for dinner.

8. The last sporting event you watched? It has been so long I don't remember.

9. Do you go to church every Sunday? I actively don't go to church on Sundays... I'm an Atheist.

10. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Fuck yeah!

11. What are you doing tomorrow? Chest and biceps, and an hour-long walk.

12. What do you think of when you hear Australia? Ring-tailed lemurs?
13. Biggest annoyance right now? I can't get my wireless network to operate properly since we've been in the new house. That means I can't play Left 4 Dead as much as I would like, and that the Doctor Who episodes I'm trying to stream onto my TV aren't always the highest quality.

14. Last song listened to? Learning to Fly, by Pink Floyd

15. Do you have a maid service clean your house? My dog licks the floor when I spill stuff... does that count?

16. Are you jealous of anyone? I'm jealous of people who can play guitar better than I can.

17. Is anyone jealous of you? Probably not this moment, no.

18. What do you usually do during the day? Sit around and wait to die, and/or wait for school to start back up in the fall.
19. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? Bill Donohue from the Catholic League. He's making the rounds of the media over the Irish Catholic sex scandals, claiming that it is nothing but money-grubbing anti-Catholics blowing child rape and abuse way out of proporttion, and that the victims should just get over it. Yeah... I hate that guy pretty strongly.

20. Are you thinking about someone right now? Right now? Yeah, I'm thinking about the person who came up with that question, who thinks we'll be thinking about someone while trying to answer random questions.

We almost lost the pets

The front door doesn't close properly. When my wife walked the dog last, she didn't close the door all the way. I happened to wake up and notice that the door was wide open, and the cats were outside. They've never been outside before. They could get lost so easily, and the interstate is only a few hundred yards away.

They could have died. They could have all died, the dog included.

I don't think I'll be sleeping much tonight.

Gosh and Shucks

Every time my wife is home from work, it feels like an extra long weekend for me. Odd, since I've been out of work for two years and I've been out of school for months. Nevertheless, it feels like a mini-vacation when she's got a long weekend. 

So, what to do with the weekend? With $6 to our names? We've got Quantum of Solace and... something. What's the name of that movie, with the guy who does the thing, and then there's this chick, and then stuff happens? Oh yeah... Underworld 3. What a blast, they replaced Kate Beckinsale with Rhona Mitra. Not much difference, but I think Beckinsale is a rather cold and uninteresting person. At least Bill Nighy and Michael Sheen are back. And Kevin Grevioux!! He's the giant black dude/werewolf from the first movie, who also helped come up with the original story. He's a cool mofo. 

 As far as Quantum of Solace... I have a bad feeling about it. I played the video game of the same name, which turns out to be mostly based on Casino Royale, which makes me think there's not much to this new movie at all. Bleh.

Taco bake tonight, cheeseburgers tomorrow, and a chicken bake Sunday. Exciting, right? In order to avoid running out of food and then running out to eat 2-4 times between grocery trips, we plan out 14 dinners, and then post the list on the fridge. That way we not only make sure we buy complete meals, but we also know exactly what we're going to eat. There's no looking in the fridge and saying "I don't know what to cook."

I'm sure everyone else is having a much more exciting weekend. Yay for you... I'm so jealous!

Is this monsoon season?!?!

It is raining AGAIN! It rained 30" last week, took most of Monday off, and has rained every day since. It is raining now. We're at 3 feet above sea level, so it isn't like there's anywhere for the water to drain off to. It just sits there, and then it rains and part of the street is underwater, and then it receeds to the swail until the next day. I cannot take much more of this!!

White Man's Burden

I was going to whine about me, but instead... POLITICS!

When you think about underprivleged people in America, who do you think of first? The children of illegal migrant workers, who have no education opportunities or even a stable home, and the threat of deportation hanging over their heads? How about laid-off folks with someone in their family who has a chronic or long-term illness, who can no long get their treatment because of the loss of insurance? Maybe you considered the plight of homosexuals, who cannot even get married in most states for no other reason than their relationships aren't approved of by the religious text of sheepherders thousands of years ago? Well, you were wasting your time, because the real crime is perpetrated every day against the most discriminated-against people in America:

White men from wealthy backgrounds. 

Look at the current situation with the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor for the Supreme Court. I mean, first off... the name! That name is completely unnatural in English... bad enough that we allow Puerto Ricans to live in America, but why can't their change their names (and hair color, and complexion) so that they can be more White-sounding and therefore more American? Why not skip the confusing name, and go with a Rich White Guy, so we don't have to hear people on the news screw up the name? AND SHE EATS RICE AND BEANS!!!

Secondly, she's a woman! What the hell, don't we already have three or four women in the Obama administration? That's enough already, we get it. We've got the black quota, and the woman quota... where is the "White guy with money" quota? There's Joe Biden, but he's POOR! Look, there's even a woman on the Supreme Court. What, they guys should make TWO spots for women? I mean, sure women make up slightly more than half of America... but if you only count the hot ones, they are a tiny minority! 

Obama already said he was going to look for a woman to fill the spot, something no Republican would do.   Why can't a wealthy Caucasian male get any consideration? I mean, it isn't like they've made up 100% of all judges on the Supreme Court... there have been almost a half dozen non-white OR non-male Justices in the entire history of the Court, and let's not take this affirmative action thing too far, OK? I mean, where else can a rich white guy find a job? Not all of them can have their father's money buy them a couple of failed oil businesses, then buy them a stake in the Texas Rangers, the Texas Governor's mansion, and then the White House. Some of them can only get their father to get them a failed Naval career, and have to marry into a beer fortune in order to have their father in law buy them a Senate seat and a failed presidential candidacy.

Rich White Guys just can't catch a break!

A literary aside: Harlan Ellison

I thought I would take a break from the "slice of my life" posts to talk about my absolute favorite writer. I'm inspired by the documentary "Dreams With Sharp Teeth" that was on the Sundance Channel this week. Here's the trailer:

Harlan Ellison is a fantasist, one of the best short-story writers of the 20th Century and no hyperbole. He's won about a billion awards. Here's a short list stolen from Wikipedia:

He has won the Hugo Award eight and a half times; the Nebula Award three times; the Bram Stoker Award, presented by the Horror Writers Association, five times (including the Lifetime Achievement Award in 1996); the Edgar Award of the Mystery Writers of America twice; the Georges Méliès fantasy film award twice; and was awarded the Silver Pen for Journalism byInternational PEN, the international writers' union. He was presented with the first Living Legend Award by the International Horror Guild at the 1995 World Horror Convention. He is also the only author in Hollywood ever to win the Writers Guild of America Award for Most Outstanding Teleplay (solo work) four times, most recently for "Paladin of the Lost Hour" in 1987. In March 1998, the National Women's Committee of Brandeis University honored him with their 1998 Words, Wit, Wisdom award. In 1990, Ellison was honored by International PEN for continuing commitment to artistic freedom and the battle against censorship.

Ellison was named 2002's winner of the Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal's "Distinguished Skeptic Award", in recognition of his contributions to science and critical thinking. Ellison was presented with the award at the Skeptics Convention in Burbank, California, June 22, 2002.

He's abrasive, arrogant, and great fun at parties. If you've never read any of his stories, you've been wasting your life up to this point. He started out writing "straight" science fiction, but over the course of his ridiculously long and prodigious career his writing evolves into a combination of vivid imagery, surreal situations, deep moral quandries, and incredible use of language for its own sake. Not hardly any spaceships or aliens at all, come to think of it, over around 1700 stories, novels, essays, and various and sundry. I can't even describe...

The man is as interesting as the work. He's been a character since he was a kid, apparently, and controversy has followed him ever since. He sued James Cameron for ripping him off, and got cash plus a credit on The Terminator. He's apparently assaulted all sorts of folks who have rubbed him the wrong way. He marched in Selma with MLK, hung out at the Playboy Mansion back when that meant something, and counts as his friends anyone important in the writing community... that he hasn't made an enemy of.  

I first came to Harlan by way of Stephen King's book Danse Macabre, which included several exerpts from Ellison's stories. Even in those snippets, I could tell there was something special going on. I was maybe 13 or 14 years old at the time, so with the sort of energy that I can't summon now without the aid of methamphetamines, I consumed Ellison... that's the only way to put it. I probably read 1000 or so of his writings in about 3 years. It was an incredible impression on me. 

The power of his writing can best be described this way: I read my first Harlan Ellison story back in the late 1980s. I had never seen a video clip or heard an interview of Ellison. I first heard one of his rants on the Internet in maybe 2002 or 2003. That's about 15 years, half a lifetime at that point. Here's an example of Harlan losing his shit:

The funny thing is... when I go on a rant, I sound EXACTLY like Harlan Ellison, and I have since the first time I went off on someone 15 years ago. Never heard him, never had any idea what he sounded like. Yet, his voice comes through so strongly in his writing that his voice sort of became my voice. I'm not ashamed to admit it, that a chunk of me came from him, some little old Jewish guy with a chip on his shoulder and a cool house typing away on a manual typewriter with two fingers and setting the world on fire.

I have a plan!

Well, ok... not really, but I'm trying to come up with one. The first part of the plan is to get the entire house unpacked and set up this week. I've already brought in a couple of boxes today, and hung drapes. My wife should be able to park in the garage by tomorrow sometime. All through this process, I am going to baby my sprained wrist as much as possible, so that maybe it heals someday.

After that? I am going to spend the summer teaching myself the subjects I am taking in the fall. Part of my plan is that when I eventually transfer to UCF, there's a chance I might be able to secure a scholarship if I can keep up a 4.0 GPA. That means hard work, and since I have nothing else to do... 

Speaking of nothing else to do, starting next Monday my dog and I are going to start taking long walks every day. We had been on a good schedule, and I'm by Satan going to get on a good schedule again. We might even start going to the beach once or twice a week. I need to get a really dark tan, in order to get to my next goal:

International male model. Wish me luck!  

Sunday Stealing: The A to Z Meme

Cheers to all us thieves!

Sunday Stealing: The A to Z Meme

A
• Are you available? For birthdays and Bar Mitzvahs
• What is your age? 34 plus a bit
• What annoys you? questions about my age and availability

B
• Do you know anyone named Billy? Yep
• When is your birthday? September
• Who is your best friend? My wife

C
• What's your favorite candy? gummi bears
• Crush? No thanks
• When was the last time you cried? when I ran out of gummi bears

D
• Do you daydream?: ... what? Did you say something? I was daydreaming.
• What's your favorite kind of dog? My dog, the best dog in the world, the one and only Ginger
• What day of the week is it? Sunday... I mean, WTF?

E
• How do you like your eggs? Cooked
• Have you ever been in the emergency room? yep
• Ever pet an elephant? sure

F
• Do you use fly swatters? nope
• Have you ever used a foghorn? nope
• Is there a fan in your room? depends... I have one fan, and I drag it around the house

G
• Do you chew gum? nope
• Do you like gummy candies? yep
• Do you like gory movies? fuck yeah

H
• How are you? like boiled goat anus
• What's your height?. 5'7"
• What color is your hair? more salt than pepper

I
• What's your favorite ice cream? Americone Dream Ben & Jerry's
• Have you ever ice skated? around the giant Xmas tree at Rockefeller Center
• Ever been in an igloo? nope

J
• What's your favorite Jelly Bean? green
• Have you ever heard a really hilarious joke? yeah
• Do you wear jewelry? nope

K
• Who do you want to kill? the person who created these questions
• Have you ever flown a kite? yeah
• Do you think kangaroos are cute? no

L
• Are you laidback? no
• Lions or Tigers? lemurs, ring-tailed, one each
• Do you like black licorice? no

M
• Favorite movie as a kid? Star Wars
• Ever shopped at Moosejaw? no
• Favorite store at the mall? the one with the sharp objects


N
• Do you have a nickname? no
• Whats your favorite number? 634,974
• Do you prefer night or day? yes

O
• What's your one wish? one billion dollars
• Are you an only child? no
• Do you like the color orange? compared to what?

P
• What are you most paranoid about? accountants
• Piercings? no thanks
• Do you know anyone named Penelope? no

Q
• Are you quick to judge people? yeah
• Do you like Quaker Oats? sure
• Know anyone that makes quilts? no
• Do you think you're always right? no.. I KNOW I am
• Do you watch reality TV? not often
• Reason to cry? none

S
• Do you prefer sun or rain? sun
• Do you like snow? no
• What's your favorite season? Tuesday

T
• time is it? 1:15
• What time did you wake up? 9:30 yesterday

U
• Can you ride a unicycle? probably
• Do you know anyone with a unibrow? Adam Carolla
• Uncles do you have? many

V
• What’s the worst vegetable? Terry Schiavo
• Did you ever watch Veggie Tales? no
• Ever considered being vegan? absolutely fucking not

W
• What's your worst habit? nail biting
• Do you like water rides? no
• Ever been inside a windmill? maybe

X
• Have you ever had an x-ray? yeah
• Ever used a Xerox machine? sure

Y
• Do you like the color yellow? why not?
• What year were you born in?:1974
• Do you yell when you're angry? rarely

Z
• Do you believe in the zodiac? fuck no
• What's your zodiac sign? fuck you
• When was the last time you went to the zoo? 1982

Holy Crap I Saw The Sun!

Not for long, mind you... just for a couple of minutes before it was obscured by clouds again. Still, it is the first appearance that the sun has made in a week, so let's give it a big round of applause. Yay!

Of course it is already hotter out than two rats fucking in a wool sock. It isn't even June yet. I'm trying to acclimate to the heat, which means keeping the thermostat set at 75 instead of 68. It is uncomfortable for me, but I'm trying to deal with it. Maybe I'll wind up with a tan at the end of the summer, if I actually leave the house more than once a week. We'll see. 

As previously noted, this weekend will be all about setting up things in the new house. I found my amp-to-speaker cable, so I can get my guitar stuff up and running. I have drapes to hang, boxes to unpack, a bed to assemble, and stuff to stuff in closets and out of sight. Fun fun fun!

Moving is DONE!

All of our stuff is finally here in the new house! Most of it is in boxes in the garage, but that's a detail that I can live with until tomorrow. I need to hang up my "Joe's Guitar Lounge" plaque, and I'll be home. In the meanwhile, there are a few things I'm thinking about, move-related:

• 
  
• Where the hell is our copy of The Golden Compass?!?!?! We had it, then we didn't have it, and it has never been seen again. Was it stolen? Did my dog eat it? The world may never know.
  
• Why is it that moving always seems like too big of a job, and then a piece of cake, and then sometimes both at the same time? We went to get the last of our stuff, and it wound up taking a little over an hour. We've been dreading it all week, and it took less than 90 minutes. What the hell, right?
  
• Every time I move, I lose my desk. They always collapse on me. I guess that's what comes of buying desks that you put together yourself, made of particle board. Next time, I'm getting one made of metal and glass. Why not, it can't be any worse.
  
• The cats have no problem with the new house. The dog is still freaked out. Every time we leave the house, I think she thinks we're not coming back. Of course we're coming back! We wouldn't ever abandon the best dog in the world!
  
• This place is actually acceptable, for a rental joint. It isn't at all embarassing, like some of the other houses we saw in our price range. Those houses were scary!
  
• I still have boxes of cables, my life-long enemies and bane of my existence. I can't find the cable that connects my amplifier to the speaker cabinet. Without it, my amplifier is a $1500 coffee table for one. UGH.
  

Well, that's the move. I need to do the change of address thing for Netflix and school, and the bank I guess. Then we'll be done, and I can get on with the important work of the next 14-15 weeks. I haven't figured out what work that is... as soon as I know, you'll know. :)

Writer's Workshop: Just Plain Sick Of It

Memes... until I have something worth talking about. I'm borrowing this one from The Bookkitten, one of my most favoritest bloggers, and she got it from here.

List ten things you are currently sick of:

1) Moving: I've been at it since the first of the month. Doing this move piecemeal was a HUGE mistake. 

2) My sprained wrist: I can't play guitar, I am hindered in my moving, and because of a brainfart I didn't wash it when I had the chance so it stinks pretty bad.

3) Rain. It has been raining for 4 straight days. Our $50 umbrella was destroyed in the storm, my main shoes are soaked, and there's a foot of water all along both sides of the street we live on including our lawn.

4) Politics. Why am I smarter and braver than all the Republicans and most of the Democrats? Can someone explain to me why there shouldn't be an investigation of torture, but an investigation of what Nancy Pelosi knew about the torture?

5) My short attention span. I have a stack of books waiting to be read. I'm sure they are mostly awesome. Some of them are graphic novels... can't seem to find the time. I have no job, school is out until September. How the hell do I not have the time?!?!

6) Dumb "love" plots on TV shows. FFS people, the whole Jack-Kate-Sawyer-Juliet "love rectangle" on Lost was just goddamned stupid. Are we really supposed to believe that a couple of 40-somethings would break up after three years because the guy gave another chick a GLANCE?!?! 

7) Homophobia. It is 2009 folks... you actually need to start explaining to the rest of us how homosexuals getting married is supposed to affect the rest of us, when heterosexual marriages and divorce seem to have not destroyed the framework of society. I don't know about the over-sensitive homophobes, but my house has doors and walls, and I can neither hear nor see what goes on in other houses, and as long as they keep the noise down I don't care!

8) "Alternative medicine." This week, some idiot hippie decided to flee authorities instead of saving her son's life. You have every right to believe whatever stupid nonsense you want... and most of you take full advantage. That right flies out the window when it is about to cost a boy his life.

9) Cables. Part of moving is connecting cables. Since I have a small "home theater" plus three computers and a ton of guitar stuff, I have what feels like miles of cables to hook up.

10) Blogging. Mostly it feels like I'm talking to myself, and I have no goddamned clue how to connect with other people. I'm OK in real life, but I feel like some sort of "autistic blogger." with a complete inablity to interact.

Awesome week!

So, I've got the sprained left wrist, and I managed to burn my right hand while cooking. Not only that, but I also managed to dump my dinner on the floor and there's no other food in the house. Things are going swimmingly! 

I got pissed off and bought some beer. I know at this point I'm just self-medicating, and I really don't care. Tomorrow I'm going to have a sprained wrist, a burned hand, and a hangover... but that's tomorrow. Tonight I have beer. Tonight I'm going to watch a movie or two, drink some beer, and whine at my wife when she gets home, then make her tuck me in and read me a bedtime story.

Tomorrow we're going to try to be done with the other house. That leaves Saturday and Sunday, to organize the house. Monday, I need to come up with a plan for the next 14 weeks. I do better when I have a plan, some sort of organizing principle. Otherwise, I get distracted by the millions of toys in my house and wind up wasting entire weeks.

What Moving Reveals

We got to find out something important as we've been moving over the last few days, into this somewhat smaller house:

We have a lot of crap!!

I mean, I knew on an intellectual level that I have a lot of books, DVDs, CDs, guitar gizmos and computer doodads. I understood on a superficial level that there are consequences to refusing to throw things away. There's a difference between knowing that you have a bunch of stuff, and seeing it in boxes piled up in a garage, all in one place. It is a bit... daunting. I've been putting off unpacking, and putting off, and putting off.

Finally, I started unpacking the books. Just the books, nothing else. I filled up the big bookshelf... and still had a ton of boxes left. I crammed books in the nooks on top of other books, which still leaves all the paperbacks. I'm thinking about pulling the trick I had when I was a kid, and had to clean my room before I could go out with my friends.

I'm going to hide everything in the closets, and pretend it doesn't exist.

Gosh the flood

We've got about a foot of water in the yard. Good times!

The thrills of setting up electronics

Fun times, right?

This is going to be one of those boring posts... I swear things will get more fun next week!

So... some genius invented a thing called an HDMI cable, that carries high definition video AND audio in a single cable. Another genius designed my TV, Bluray player, and receiver to work together for the greater good... if it worked. Unfortunately, I don't get audio with my Bluray player in that configuration, so I have to add an extra digital audio cable. 

Still not bad, until I try to reconnect the XBox and the Wii. And then, because that isn't enough fun, I have to convince the universal remote to work with everything in a way that doesn't force me to chuck it all out into the rain. 

Speaking of which... at least I don't have to go out and mow anything!

Of all the dumb bad luck!

So, I fell down and re-injured my wrist. Yay!

While I'm sitting here, taking a break from having a bag of frozen peas on my arm to prevent too much swelling, I'm planning the next few days of unpacking stuff. It shouldn't take me more than all day tomorrow to empty out the garage, and unpack all the boxes here. By that time, I'm sure my wife will have brought more odds and ends over here. I'll put up pictures and drapes and such on Wednesday, and hopefully not fall and hurt myself AGAIN! By Thursday we should be finishing up the little details over here, and on Friday we'll go and clean up at the old house.

Somewhere in all this, I want to finally play Left 4 Dead, dammit! Life is stressful, and when life is stressful it is time to shoot some zombies!

Sunday Stealing: The 29'er Meme

Sunday Stealing: The 29'er Meme

1. What bill do you hate paying the most? Honestly? I don't hate paying any of my bills. If I was paying someone else's bills, I might be pissed off.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? I guess it would be the new hibachi joint in town, on our anniversary.

3. How many colleges did you attend? I'm on my second, and I'm already planning my third.

4. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? Random T-shirt pick from the closet.

5. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? No alarm... it is SUNDAY!

6. Last thought before going to sleep last night? Tomorrow, I am not doing ANYTHING. 

7. What do you miss being a child? Lack of responsibility.

8. What errand/chore do you despise? Not a huge fan of mowing the lawn.

9. Have you found real love yet? Sure, lots of times. Four of them are in this house right now!

10. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart? A giant fucking headache. 

11. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? Nope. I think people who claim that are morons.

12. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Who cares, as long as they are paying!

13. Ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose? Yep. Fire is cool!

14. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go? Ummm... I've always wanted to wander around the Carvin guitar factory in San Diego, or any of their California stores.

15. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? Obviously a new career, which is why I'm in school.

16. Do you have a “go to” person? My wife, of course.

17. Are you where you want to be in life? I'm on the path.

18. Over the years, what about you do you think has changed the most? I'm much more aware of how fucking awesome I am.

19. Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life? No, but they WERE good years. 

20. Are there times you still feel like a kid? Constantly, and I suspect that I always will.

21. Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager? Old trails behind the high school.

22. Who do you think impacted your life the most? My old track coach.

23. Was there a teacher or authority figure that stood out for you? Same as #22

24. Do you tell stories that start with “when I was your age”? Yep. 

25. What is the scariest thing that has happened to you as an adult? No idea... I don't scare easily, and I don't dwell on it enough to remember a specific time.

26. What advice would you give to someone about to get married? Don't spend more than you have.

27. What advice would you give someone starting their first job? Fight to keep it, or use it as a stepping stone to something better.

28. If you could go back and change one thing you did, what would it be? I would try to avoid spraining my wrist yesterday. 

29. If you could go back and change one thing someone else did, what would it be? I would make Bill Gates give me a billion dollars.

Moving day update...

We're sort of moved. All of the cool stuff is still at the other house, but all of the heavy stuff is here. 

The dog is 110% freaked out. The kittyboy is pissed that we put him in a crate for the one mile drive here. The kittygirl is intrigued by everything, but otherwise OK.

I am NOT OK, on account of serious muscle ache and a sprained wrist. Yay. 

This house is alright, except there are very few lights, and those few lights are very dim. WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN THE DARK?!?!?! We're going to have to buy a few lamps per room. 

We went out for Chinese food... not a crap buffet or a take-out joint, an actual sit-down restaurant serving Chinese food. My wife ordered the pupu platter and a giant bowl of soup, and I ordered a plate of orange chicken. Almost all of it came home with us. That was a HUGE bowl of soup!

Of course, you have to own a microwave to conveniently re-heat your leftovers... so we went to Target and bought one. It says "Perfect Popcorn"... we'll just see about that, won't we? WON'T WE?!?!?! STOP STARING AT ME, MICROWAVE!

And how was YOUR Saturday?

Moving Day!

...maybe. I sprained my wrist last night, so we're not sure if I can actually pick anything up. Isn't this going to be fun!

"Day before moving day" blues, and cat stuff

I'm trying to stay upbeat about this... but it is hard. It doesn't help that I have mild food poisoning, and I'm doing pretty much 100% of the moving by myself. It is all so overwhelming. Forget about the emotional part of losing my home. I've been moving stuff a few boxes at a time for the past two weeks, and I'm just SICK OF IT! Last night I carried over all the spices and such, plus most of the stuff in the drawers in the kitchen. Today I dragged over everything in the refrigerator, plus all of the sundries in the pantry. I know I need to carry more stuff over there, or at least disassemble stuff over here... I just can't deal with it right now. I'll try again later, once the sun goes down. Everything right now has the weight of the world and the oppressive midday Florida heat.

In the meanwhile, and on a lighter note... 

My cats love me. It is fucking weird! I've always been a dog person. I've always felt that cats were a bit too aloof and unfriendly for my taste, based on the pets we had growing up, and the cats friends and family have owned over the years. Two years ago, about the time we bought this place, we also got a cat. We're losing the house, but the cat comes with us. Randall is the first cat I've ever owned, and of course when we rescued him he was sicker than hell with some sort of cat flu from the shelter. His purr is still "broken" from when he was sick, which is just the strangest thing ever. Poor Randall... 

Anyhoo, Randall started to grow on me mostly by sleeping on my chest. I mean, how cute is that? Also, he talks more than any cat I'd ever seen. It sounds like he's trying to have long conversations with me, and usually he doesn't sound too happy. He also has this little rirual that we have to go through, where he scratches on my office door, makes me follow him out to the front door, where he promptly rolls over on his back  (same spot every time) and won't stop meowing at me until I rub his belly. 

Last year, we wound up getting a second cat, Ellie. She's a little tiny thing, and she loves me more than anything in the whole world. Sometimes, she just follows me around the house. It doesn't matter how many loops I make she just keeps on following me, purring like she's got a mini engine in her belly. When I walk past the couch, she'll hop up on it and try to rub against me before I get to the end of it. She also likes to jump into bed with the wife and me, and then she'll press herself against my knee to fall asleep. 

I swear, these two cats are the most affectionate, personable cats I've ever run across. They're going to hate me when I put them in the travel crates to move them to the new house. :(

Totally forgot my blog!

Have other priorities, like moving. Spent the morning taking about a bed, spent part of the evening getting the kitchen stuff moved from here to there.

I'm feeling really sick right now... luckily, I have no place to be tomorrow. As long as I can get it together enough to take apart the other bed, and I'm well enough Saturday to lift the heavy stuff, things will be OK. Until then, I think I'm going to throw up again.

More updates about my puke tomorrow!

Jury Duty Update!

Well... let's start last night. I didn't manage to fall asleep until 2 AM, I slept like crap, and I woke up four hours later after some pretty significant tossing and turning. I managed to drag myself out of the house in time to show up 20 minutes early for jury duty, which meant I was almost 45 minutes early for the actual trial. During the wait, there was this douche-nozzle juror who was blasting his portable CD player and mumbling to himself while reading a magazine. Between the music and the way he looked, he reminded me of this little bit of Tom Cruise action:

Anyhoo, eventually we were escorted to the courtroom, and started the case. It was some dumb toothless old redneck chick who got arrested for "fleeing or attempting to elude" the cop who tried to pull her over for expired registration on her car. The lawyers were funny... it was a day full of celebrity look-alikes: in this instance it was Anna Faris vs Queen Latifah:

Like I said, weird and funny. Anyhoo, tiny white chick calls the one and only witness for the state, the cop who pulled the crazy bitch over. There was a description of a high-speed chase on dirt roads (both lawyers mentioned Smokey and the Bandit and/or Dukes of Hazard, more Hollywood action!) We got to see a video that we thought was going to be the chase... turned out to be a walkthrough of the chase, at the speed limit. Drat!

So, the defense tried to drill the police officer, kind of failed, and we got a break. On the way out, the judge reminds us to not discuss the case with anyone, not to talk to any of the lawyers or witnesses, and to basically keep to ourselves. And it worked... except for douche-nozzle Cruise-juror. He waddles right up to the prosecution's only witness, the police officer, and starts chatting her up! Smooth move... he wound up getting bounced off the jury, won't be getting paid, and will have to come back again in the next 30 days. IDIOT!

So, back in the courtroom, the defense puts on crazy woodsy woman in her own defense. Yeah, not a good idea. She explained how she didn't want to pull over because it wasn't safe because cops are dirty and do "things" to women. Then she said she didn't hear or see the cop until she was a few hundred feet from where she pulled over. Then she said that she didn't pull over because people throw beer bottles along the sides of the dirt road, and it was ridiculous to suggest that she would be afraid of being pulled over it. Then she made a point of letting us know that the windows of her car and the police car were tinted, and she couldn't tell if it was a man or woman police officer. Then she reminded us that she was afraid of bottles, and that she didn't even see the cop. It was a disaster. Latifah was a double disaster, because you assume she's been to law school... even though it seemed that she got her "degree" as a gift with three seasons of Law & Order DVDs. She tried to introduce a conversation where the crazy lady's daughter yelled at the cop in a gas station a few weeks after the arrest. No, I don't know why either, and Anna Faris lawyer objected immediately. That went nowhere. 

Finally, we got to closing statements, and Anna-lawyer rambled on for about a million years. Latifah countered by doing a lot of hand-waving and odd "whatchu talkin bout Willis" ghetto speak out of pretty much the clear blue, at an almost all white (off-white if you count me) jury... just for a few sentences, which tells me she kind of knew she was screwed by that point. Then, back to the jury room!

After a few minutes of milling around, I elected myself jury foreman and got things rolling. Guilty! Guilty! GUILTY with a capital "your ass is going to jail!!" OK, not that quickly. There was a holdout for about 40 minutes, so we had to keep wandering back to her every few minutes. Finally I figured out the problem: she couldn't visualize the distance of the car chase, and assumes that it was a few hundred feet, when it was somewhere between a half mile and a mile. So, I got up and pointed out the window, and asked her what she thought the distance was between two signs on the road running behind the courthouse. She thought that they were about a quarter or half mile apart, about the distance of the chase. When I explained to her that the signs were actually about 100 yards apart, and that the chase lasted from between 8-16 times the distance of the road behind the court, she got on board with the guilty verdict, and we got the hell out of there. 

I'm good for at least a year... and although we don't really have the money, or the time to waste out of the moving schedule, I'm going to have a few beers tonight. I earned it.

Issues and Issues...

I have no desk.

Yeah. Good times, right? I bought one of those "assemble yourself" desks from Staples. They are made from particle board, and they aren't made to be disassembled. I tried anyway, since we're moving and the desk doesn't fit through any of the doors in either house. Unfortunately, the places where the pieces of particle board were connected ripped free under their own weight almost as soon as I pulled off a couple of them.

Now I have no desk. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I don't have any money. I won't have any money until around my birthday in September, maybe. In the meanwhile... what? Nothing, that's what. Until I have a desk, my computer is a giant expensive paperweight. I'm really not sure what to do from here, but whatever it is that I do will be with the idea of moving again. It limits my options but at least I'm thinking ahead.

This whole week fucking sucks. Every bit. There's absolutely nothing good about my life right now. 

Jury duty SUCKS!!!!

Five hours today... and I have to go back on Wednesday morning and actually serve on the jury. Today was just jury selection. 

For wasting my day today, and my day Wednesday, I'm going to get paid a whopping $30. I'm so pissed off I can't even talk about it any more.

A bit late to the Sunday Stealing party!

Cheers to all us thieves!

Sunday Stealing: The 2 for 1 Meme

1. What is on the walls of your room? My office? A lightsaber, a katana, and some vaguely Asian arty stuff from Target.

2. What type of music do you listen to? 80's metal! \m/



3. What do you want more than anything right now? Stuff? Don't really want any stuff. I could use a glass of sweet tea.

4. Do you get scared in the dark? I can see in the dark!

5. What's you worst fear? Nothing... I'm not really afraid of stuff.

6. If you could anything right now, what would it be? If I could what anything? Sunday Stealing needs to steal an editor!

7. What’s the meaningful gift that you’ve received? Really? Most or least? 

8. Do you have a crush? Besides on my wife? Not really. 

9. Who is your favorite celebrity? Me. I'm my favorite celebrity!

10. Could you fall in love with someone that you know must leave? Leave for where? Work? The grocery store? The International Space Station?

11. Share a favorite quote of yours. "Spoon!"--The Tick

12. What’s your weakness? Kryptonite. 

13. Do you believe that we all have a soul mate? I don't even believe in souls.

14. What were you doing before Sunday Stealing? Today? I took a dump.

15. What do you get complicated about the most? Cooking. I get all sorts of complicated about cooking.

16. What turns you off the most from a potential partner? Bad teeth, religious beliefs, and herpes.

17. What is you worst habit? Nail biting.

18. When was the last time that you were jealous? Not in years and years.

19. Have you ever had a “friend with benefits”? Sure. 

20. Do you use sarcasm? Me? No way! *rolls eyes*

21. At the moment, what’s you favorite song? I couldn't really say. I'm a big fan of Pink Floyd stuff...

22. What is you favorite day of the year? Star Wars Day, May 4. Why? Because May the 4th be with you!

23. Describe your love life. None of your business, but better than yours.

24. When was your last one night stand? It has been years and years.

25. How many past lovers are too many? None of my business, don't care and don't ask. My rule is "less history, more mystery."

Boy, we came a long way from music and decorations, didn't we? 

Grocery shopping in "these difficult times"

The wife and I went to the grocery store this morning, and spent $325 on food for two people for two weeks. Also flea stuff for the pets, pet food, lunch for us, and beer for me. We had us some skillet burgers with pepper-jack cheese on top for dinner tonight, but it gets much better from there. There's Joe's World Famous Chili, chicken soup, pulled pork BBQ, Joe's World Renowned Curry Chicken Salad, the always popular "breakfast for dinner" meal, and a couple of other meals. 

We used to spend $450 every two weeks for groceries. Back when we could afford it, we just tossed neat stuff in the shopping cart and I created meals with it. Now, not so much. Now we have to plan our meals in advance, and make sure we buy what we need since there's no money for a second trip. We would always come home with jars of odd condiments or roasted whatevers, boxes of strange crackers, and a variety of interesting vegetables. Now, not so much. The World Famous Chili is still pretty goddamned tasty, but it no longer contains seven different kinds of peppers. 

Not to fear, because I still have my secret cooking weapon: Spic Seasonings! Since I'm very vaguely Hispanic, I'm allowed to dip into flavoring combinations that the white folks can't come close to. I've got the Adobo, the sazon, recaito, and sofrito... which means that even when what I'm cooking seems like it should be rather pedestrian, it becomes something exotic and exciting. Plus, as I've blogged about before, the stuff in the "ethnic" section of the grocery store is CHEAP. You can pick up enough fancy seasonings for 4-5 meals for a couple of bucks. 

Anyhoo... we discovered something important this morning. We had been budgeting $250 for two weeks of groceries, and came under that total every time until today. What we realized is that when we come $25 under that total for three shopping trips in a row, we pretty much run out of all the staples, and eventually we have to spend over our budget to replace everything. Our cupboards were BARE this morning. In the future, we're going to have to keep a closer eye on making sure we don't run out of the necessities all at once.