Another test tomorrow!

Woohoo!!!

Time for my second precalculus test. I don't feel even slightly prepared for it, even though I spent over an hour studying it. I don't know... well, yeah, I do know. Between my wife's fainting spells and hospitalization, and my sick dog problems, I've become really disconnected from the entire school process. It has been really hard to focus, and even harder to sit down at home and really put in the sort of daily effort required to guarantee the grades I want. So, I'm going to really have to buckle down and get my head back in the game.

It could be worse... I could still be drinking tons of beer every week. I'd be DONE if I were still doing that. Getting drunk is a good solution for a lot of problems, but not for any issues involving focus and intellectual effort.

It's been a long day again...

I want to thank all of you who bother to read my blog... it helps.

I REALLY want to thank all of you who bother to comment... it makes me feel less alone.

There's a thing I remember reading in high school from a Stephen King book, that has stuck with me. It went something along the lines of that there are things that need to be said that don't lack from the words to say as much as the ears to hear them. You readers are my ears, and are so very valuable to me.

So, anyone who reads this: thank you. You've made my daily efforts worth the effort.

Happy Birthday to me!!!

So let's talk about something really important: television commercials. They piss me right the hell off, friends and far-off neighbors. They portray such a ridiculous view of reality... well, it explains why it is that there are so many sociopaths and Republicans (redundant?), and why so much of the upper class is completely out of touch with the way the rest of us live. And that's just the Walmart commercials. All men are stupid, and all women are fucking cunts. Also, fuck Apple and that Mac douche nozzle. And for laughs, let's get ghetto for the black folks!

We'll start with the Walmart commercials, and pretty much EVERY commercial that shows people's homes. People's million dollar homes, while they whine about how having steaks is a rarity for them, and only Walmart's unbeatable low prices allows them to fire up their $4000 grill on their 1000 sq ft covered deck, so they can sit down to some cheap steaks served on a $75 plate alongside the baked potatoes they cooked in their recently remodeled $25,000 kitchen. Or the gated community where they film the Verizon Wireless commercial where the "can you hear me now?" guy is offering a millionaire a great deal on new phones on his way to his BMW to drive to his fancy office where he makes lots of money but also really needs a buy one get one free deal in order to upgrade his phone. The average American shown in television commercials is actually in the top half of a percent. There's just something wrong with that.

I guess women spend most of the household budget, and approve most of the household spending. That's why in most commercials, women are ball-busting bitches while their husbands are blithering idiots... which is strange, since they live in a million dollar home and the wives obviously don't work in the commercial fantasyland. I guess the men in this world all make millions of dollars a year, but can't cook a meal, clean up a spill, feed a baby, fix anything around the house... which is odd, because when the cunt wife castrates her husband verbally, it is to call another man to fix what her husband can't. Of course, when the repairman gets home, his IQ and repair skills disappear and his bitch wife emasculates him for it. Of course, Mom can be an idiot... when the commercial is selling something to the kids, in which case both parents are stupid and their brat teenagers shit on them the way the wife shits on the husband.

Speaking of shit... what the fuck is wrong with those assholes at Apple, with their Mac/PC commercials? First off, those commercials are dishonest: I've got 3 PCs running RIGHT NOW in my house, I've had three or more PCs on 24/7 for the last 3 years. Zero viruses, next to zero crashes, none of the problems that those ads say are a feature of owning a real computer, instead of one of their hipster poser toys. I just bought a new laptop for $600, and it is everything that the MacBook Pro offers, plus a slightly bigger screen, and I didn't have to spend $1400 for the dubious benefit of identifying myself with that Mac asshole. Let's go ahead and look at the actors, because they are really an accurate portrayal of the difference between Mac and PC. Justin Long plays Mac, and he's a hipster douche nozzle poseur who has managed to date Drew Barrymore AND do the voice of Alvin in "Alvin and the Chipmunks." Style and no real substance. PC is played by John Hodgman, who is an actor, author, and honestly smart and funny guy... and he was on Battlestar Galactica! Maybe not as fun for the ladies to look at, but I'm a guy so that doesn't matter. I prefer a computer that doesn't cost an arm and a leg for less compatibility and an ugly design.

Finally, let's make fun of n******s! But seriously folks, I know that America had a big civil rights movement and stuff, but you wouldn't know it from watching the separate-but-equal ads on the TV. McDonald's doesn't need a blacks-only advertisement with a hip-hop soundtrack, a black woman with a funny weave saying "oh no you didn't!" and then a black guy with a basketball or break dancing. All that's missing is a gangbanger with a gold tooth to say "dat is wack" or "hell yeah, dat's what I'm talkin' about!" I know why the advertisers do it, but why do black people buy into it? So glad to see someone like them on TV that they don't care about the context? Or maybe I'm just cynical... no, that's can't be it!

Of course, we're starting to see true equality... I saw a commercial the other day with a black couple in a million dollar home, where the stay-at-home mom busted her husband's balls while trying to save thirty cents on a tube of toothpaste. I guess that's progress?

I think I've got the swine flu

Cross your fingers. That whole cancer thing a few years ago turned out to just be a profound and dangerously virulent series of infections, which was semi-cool but not nearly enough to set up a non-profit foundation to raise money for guitars and amplifiers in the name of my cancer.

Swine flu would be awesome. Maybe I could even be on the news?

I might set up a PayPal account, if you guys would send me cash so I can buy medicine... and by "medicine" I mean neat fucking toys. In the meanwhile, I'm thinking that this has something to do with my wife fainting earlier today.

Sunday Stealing: A Fall Meme

Because memes never get boring...

Sunday Stealing: A Fall Meme

It’s not really fall in until... you hit the pavement.

What did you need to do in the waning days of summer for it to feel complete? Kick a puppy.

A person I know was wrong for me but about whom I frequently thought after a break-up was... Bea Arthur

If you could only attend one major sporting event what would it be? The World Underwater Basket-Weaving Championship

Assuming that you write an anonymous or partially anonymous blog, by what non-physically identifying characteristics might you be identified in a bar? I'll be wearing the carcass of a small woodland creature on my head.

Most blogs cover some sort of niche – personal, political, dating, culinary, etc. What topic, if any, would you like to address on your blog but doesn't fit into your niche? Lesbian orthodontists.

If you could manipulate the time space continuum and give as many as three pieces of advice to a younger version of yourself, what advice would you give and to what age of you? Telling myself not to do memes eats up one of those... don't date crazy bitches, and never crack open a second bottle of Scotch if you're drinking alone. Good advice at any age.

Who among your friends do you really wish had a blog because their stories, or perspective on something ought to be shared? My cat Randall. Maybe he can type in English better than he speaks it.

If you were to take an e-cation (vacation from the trappings of our electronic world,) and assuming that employment obligations would allow it, how long of a break could you take? What would you miss the most, the least? Ummm... I carry my iPod Touch to the crapper with me.

On September 11th of this year, I attended a couple of parties and was somewhat conflicted by the fact that this ignoble anniversary shall pass with it being just another day in the eyes of many (and in some ways my own eyes as well.) Thoughts? You are one of the most idiotic and self-centered persons on Earth... and this answer isn't a joke. The terrorist attacks weren't about you, and the fact that you and a bunch of other egotistical assholes made it about yourselves, even though you weren't directly physically affected by it, is just fucking pathetic.

How high are your walls? Who was the last person to scale them? What tools should would-be climbers have on their belt? 5895 meters/Ludwig Purtscheller and Hans Meyer/Cheeze Whiz

The sexiest thing a man or a woman can say to you (or has said to you) is: I'm paying.

Random Saturday Musings

Just some stuff... some good, some bad, some angry, maybe some funny...

• Soup cures all sorts of stuff. I made some homemade lentil soup for lunch, and it has improved my mood, cleared my sinuses, and settled down the buzzy nauseous feeling I had from the 20oz caramel frappe I had for breakfast. I usually drink decaf tea sweetened with Splenda, so a giant caffeinated and sugary hell in a cup hits me like meth.
• My birthday is next week, and I scored a fancy watch, a couple of books, a laptop, and some video games. My wife got a set of dishes and an iPod Nano for my birthday. The dog and cats got new food bowls that match out new dishes, and the cats also got a bed to share. I probably don't need anything for Xmas.
• I'm generally anti-bootleg these days, but my wife has a bootleg of District 9... I don't think I can watch it without being a hypocrite.
• People fucking suck. I'm driving to the gas station this morning, and a car sort of slides in front of me without signaling, drives a half-mile at about 15 miles per hour, and then sort of slides off the road again without signaling... and by "off the road" I mean their passenger side tires in the grass, and most of their car blocking my lane. If I had been in Gray Thunder I would have probably hit them, but I was driving the Mustang and I just couldn't do it.
• Had a weird sort of moment earlier in the week at school. Some punk asshole tried to be a smartass in my direction. I had a flash of anger, and a willingness to open my mouth and say things to him that might have led to a fight. Then I realized that he's a teenager, a child, and my flash of anger went away, replaced with amusement. I said something about him keeping his comments among the other children, and keep his mouth shut when talking to the grown-ups, and that got him pretty quiet pretty quickly. Good times, being an adult.
• Getting back to the soup, there's something deeply offensive about the idea of people not being able to cook for themselves. Lentil soup is lentils, water, chicken broth, salt and pepper, and a can of diced tomatoes. You boil it, then you simmer it, then you eat it. You can salt and pepper a whole chicken, chop up some veggies, and stick it in the oven for a couple of hours and it is the best thing you ever tasted. Just about every super-delicious thing I cook for meals can be reduced to a couple of ingredients and some heat. People who say they can't cook are either lying, lazy, and/or fucking shitty human beings who aren't worth knowing.
• Speaking of people not worth knowing: Republicans.
• My office is messy. That's a sign of my mind being all screwed up and disorganized. It would take 15-20 minutes to clean up, but I can't seem to focus for that long. It makes reading a book, watching a movie, or playing a game sort of difficult. It makes being lazy REALLY EASY!
• Build Your Own Kitty City is the coolest thing ever. It is like a hamster Habitrail, except for cats. Every payday, I go down to Target and buy another component, and attach it to the previous ones. There are scratching posts on it, places to sleep and hide and climb and stuff. My cats are sleeping in it right now, and it is so cute!

Maybe I should take a nap too. Maybe I will be up for playing video games later, and another bowl of soup... nummy!

It just doesn't quit...

One of the strange things about depression is that you can think that you're past the worst of it. You start feeling a little better, and then BAM! and it smacks you down again.

I had a decent morning, went to the grocery store and loaded up on feed for the next few weeks. Then I was sort of done... and I spent the next 4-5 hours in bed. Got up, roasted a chicken, and started feeling better. Then, sitting on the couch playing Batman, and I just got hit by a wave of depression. Nasty stuff.

I feel fine this second... I don't trust myself to feel fine ten minutes from now.

Sweet Satan, depression sucks!

So... I couldn't sleep last night. I always get bad insomnia when I'm going through one of these spells. I was awake at 12, and at 2, at 3, and by 4 I was basically just laying there miserable. I fell asleep just enough so that the alarm kicked me in the ass at 6:30. I dragged myself out for a walk with the dog, but my ankle was hurting bad enough to make me cut it short. Then a quick shower and off to class.

Class was fun. At every step, I was fighting to stay. What I really wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed. Precalculus was actually sort of funny though... we got an extra credit assignment. I can add that to my 104 test grade I guess. I sat through stupidity in English Lit, my least favorite class of any class I have taken in my entire life. I knew I should have switched professors... and easy A isn't worth this sort of abuse.

I got home, crawled into bed, and slept until 6:00. I've been up about 2 hours, and I could crawl back into bed again. This is so very miserable, and I don't know how to drag myself out of it. I know it will pass... but not soon enough.

ugh

I'm a fucking emotional wreck today. Someone send me a sixer.

Skipped school...

Skipped half of school, because of a headache to end all headaches. It made a weird sort of path around my head. It started at the front of my head, and then migrated counter-clockwise over the afternoon, and has now parked itself where it started. Pills aren't making a dent in it.

The half of school I did show up for was the two math classes I'm taking. I had two tests last Thursday, and I wanted to see what I missed so I hung in there long enough to get my tests back before calling it a day and crawling into bed. I knew I had 102 on the trig test, and I was happy to find out that I got 104 on my precalc test. So far so good.

I've got a few more days until my 35th birthday. My wife has to work that day, and I can't stay out too late because I have class the next day. So, I'm taking myself out on a date Monday. Sad, but what else can a poor boy do? I'll be wearing my fancy watch and everything!!

Speaking of stuff, my wife got her new plates and stuff... minus the stuff they forgot to send. Hopefully they'll finish the order some time soon. I took a picture. As you can see, the stuff we got is more than enough for one day (and that's not counting the matching glasses and gadget crock. Take a look:




Not so bad of a score... and that's not including the very special surprise she got!

Two out of three... sucks!

So. I sat around the house all day waiting for the giant boxes of new dishes to arrive. Finally around 5:30 this afternoon, one giant box and one small box arrive. One giant box is MISSING! I called and sent an email just to be safe. I'm a little bit pissed off. I ordered the stuff a week ago, and there is no sign of the third box anywhere. Pfaltzgraff thinks they shipped it, but UPS has no record of it.

Anyhoo, wife is happy with what she got... plus the iPod Nano from my parents that she didn't know was coming. The iPod is cool, but the VERY cool part is the engraving from my parents on the back. As long as my wife has it, she'll always remember the time my folks came through for her in a huge way.

In the meanwhile... where the hell are half of our glasses, the steak platter, the mixing bowls, and a dozen other things?!?! The frustration of not knowing is driving me INSANE!!!!

Sunday Stealing: One Long Meme (Part Two)

Continuing last week's fun here.

27. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? I prefer both at the same time, but my wife is tired of steak sauce on the sheets.

28. Do you look like your mom or dad? Yeah, I've got my dad's eyes and my mom's facial hair.

29. How long does it take you in the shower? Probably too long, since I'm actually posting this from the shower.

30. Can you do the splits? Yep. Also the beat-its and the scrams.

31. What movie do you want to see right now? "Ethel the Aardvark Goes Quantity Surveying: The Motion Picture"

32. What did you do for New Year’s? Went on a wild calendar shopping spree.

33. Do you think The Grudge was scary? I sat through the most horrifying hour in the movies I had ever seen... and then I realized that "The Grudge" was one screen over, and I was actually watching "Surviving Christmas" starring Ben Affleck.

34. Do you own a camera phone? Yeah, but it has a weird bug in it, the only thing it will take pictures of is other camera phones.

35. Was your mom a cheerleader? Yes, but she had to give it up when she she discovered that she had super healing projects, and her father was really an agent hunting down other "special" people.

36. What’s the last letter of your middle name? $

37. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? 107

38. Do you like Care Bears? It depends on how you cook them.

39. What do you buy at the movies? Crack cocaine. My dealer is Roger Ebert.

40. Do you know how to play poker? Poker? I hardly know her!

41. Do you wear your seat belt? Only on formal occasions.

42. What do you wear to sleep? My seat belt.

43. Anything big ever happen in your hometown? Yes.

44. How many meals do you eat a day? 2.1

45. Is your tongue pierced? Unfortunately, I suffer from a rare disease that makes me allergic to douchebag behavior like tongue piercings, tattoos on my hands, and voting Republican.

46. Do you always read MySpace bulletins? I always DON'T read MySpace bulletins. Sometimes I save a bunch of them up, and don't read them all at once.

47. Do you like funny or serious people better? Again, depends on how you cook them.

48. Ever been to L.A.? Just the once. There was a riot, I got a TV and some stereo equipment, but I haven't been back since.

49. Did you eat a cookie today? Yep, I had an oatmeal-Care Bear-serious people cookie.

50. Do you use cuss words in other languages? Fuck no!

51. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads? I trade them for chickens, and pick of the litter.

52. Do you hate chocolate? One time that motherfucker spent a weekend at my house, drank all of my Scotch, and left without flushing the toilet. Yes I hate chocolate, and if you see him you tell him I'm looking for him!

53. What do you and your parents fight about the most? The covers.

54. Are you a gullible person? Are you?

55. Do you need a girlfriend to be happy? Yes, but I need to not have a girlfriend to keep my wife from ripping my nuts off. I need my nuts more.

56. If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what what would it be? Quantity surveyor

57. Are you easy to get along with? Obviously.

58. What is your favorite time of day? Any one of the fourteen times I take a dump. Those oatmeal-Care Bear-serious people cookies go right through me.

Disposable dishes and other things

So, I ordered my wife a whole new dinnerware set. Lots of stuff, the details of which I'll share when my wife opens the 14 boxes arriving on Monday. Service for eight, plus accessories. So instead of throwing away all of the plates on Monday, we're eating off of them now and throwing them away instead of cleaning them. Good times! As I tossed out the plate that I just ate a perfectly cooked t-bone steak off of, I was reminded of something else in my life that I would use and throw out instead of washing.

Boxer shorts.

That's right folks. I would wear undies ONE TIME and throw them away. It's a funny story.

This is back when I was in the Marines, and we'd go out and play G.I. Joe in the woods for a few weeks at a time, a couple of times a year. Usually if you were out for less than a week you got no shower, and even if you were out for 2-3 weeks you really only got to shower once or twice. Especially in the colder months of the year, baby wipes and talcum powder were your best friends. If you were smart about it, you would pack as much clothing as possible so that you could give things a chance to air out a little bit between wearings. That goes double for socks and underwear.

On my second or third time out in the field for training, I went to the PX to pick up some extra stuff for the trip. I usually wore briefs back then, and boxer briefs were just coming to my attention. I didn't normally wear boxers, until I saw the price. Briefs were whatever the normal price was, 4-5 pair for $5 or maybe a buck or two more. Cheap cotton boxers were fifty cents apiece! I bought like 30 pairs! When we went out into the woods, I had a much better time than a lot of other people, for two reasons. One, fresh clean skivvies every day. Two, and here's the one that really mattered, I didn't have to carry around dirty underwear for two or three weeks. If you think wearing underwear for 2-3 days straight is nasty, imagine having to carry them around with you, and imagine how nasty they smell since you haven't taken a shower in 10 days or so.

No thank you. Disposable boxers for me please!

The last time I went on one of these training thangs, I brought almost enough uniforms to only have to wear them once each. The last couple of days, I was the cleanest person in my unit. Sweet Satan, they hated me!

Poor Joe.. not as poor as the Teabaggers!

Yeah, because life is so tough... hahahahahaha!!!

You know, I spent so many years feeling bad about so many things that I only felt good when I felt bad. Weird, except that I think a lot of people do that. If nothing else, things being bad is much more exciting than what life is really like. When you think about it, life is really just going through the motions of the day with some small bits of cool stuff, some small bits of crap, and very rare instances of things being extreme in either direction. And since it seems sort of fake and annoying to pretend that things are awesome, the whole world goes emo on you.

I says "HA!"

Some people just live their lives angry and depressed and lashing out at the world. We can join in, get pissed at them for bringing down the whole world with them... or sometimes if we're very lucky we can get some entertainment value out of them. Case in point: last weekend's Fox "News"-sponsored "9/12" march on Washington. Sure, it is a big pile of Republicans getting together to celebrate their racism and hatred of America and its values. I could rant about how all of them are traitors in their hearts. I could scream about their dishonest claims of having over a million people coming out, when there were only a few tens of thousands of people.

Or... I could make fun of their issues with D.C.'s public transportation. Let's go with that.

So the Teabaggers (named thus because they think they are engaged in a new Boston Tea Party, except they don't know their history... and because they have testicles in their mouths) are trying to get to their little rally. There are some issues with the D.C. Metro public transportation system not being adequately prepared for a bunch of misguided folks, racist, domestic terrorist wannabes, tax cheats... all these folks were annoyed that the Metro system wasn't prepared for the volume of traffic on Saturday morning. Republican politicians promise to get to the bottom of things. All of them miss the absolutely delicious irony of the situation. It isn't just that the Republicans voted against the funds to expand the Metro system. It isn't the fact that the Teabaggers insisted on using the government-run system instead of being free market purists and taking taxis to the rally.

The goofy irony is that they are calling for the expansion of government programs in order to better facilitate their ability to get together to protest the expansion of government programs. Wow! This is why it is better to swallow the anger and depression occasionally, so that you can enjoy the pure nutty Twilight Zone behavior of others!

Blogging from school!

The advantage of having a laptop with decent battery life is that you can use it to surf the net when you finish your tests with almost an hour before the next class, and you are afraid to go home because you know you won't come back if you do. That's happened twice today. I aced a precalc test, sat for an hour, and then aced a trig test, and have been sitting here for close to an hour again. There was extra credit on both tests, and I nailed it both times. I rule!

I'm very impressed with the battery life. I turned it on at about 7:45, have surfed almost two hours on and off, and the meter is reading 72% of the battery left. That's better than 4 hours, with the screen brightness turned up because I'm outside. Not half bad! Better than the old computer, and this one is also much more powerful and tons faster.

Two more classes, and then another four-day weekend. Yay! Maybe I'll sit at Starbucks all day every day, me and my laptop pretending to do important things.

Having a good week?

I'm having a strange one...

Monday was a bad day, capped off with a fancy watch and new computer.

Tuesday was a class day, long and miserable.

Today was... I dunno. I went to Target, and bought a giant package of "bathroom tissue" or what we called "shit paper" when I was in the Marines. I found a nylon briefcase/laptop bag thang at Staples. Then I spent 4-5 hours preparing for the two math tests I have tomorrow morning, back-to-back. First up is precalculus, which should be easy. Immediately following that, I have a trigonometry test. There aren't nearly enough tests to be able to make up for a bad grade on these tests. Each one is worth 22.5% of my final grade in one class, and 25% in the other class. There's not a whole lot of margin for error. There's a little margin, in that the final exam can replace your lowest test grade. Of course, you don't want to have to use your "get out of a bad grade free card" on the very first test! Trig also has some special credit, which is nice.

Of course, that sets me to thinking about things like extra credit. In my experience, the people who do the extra credit work aren't usually the ones who need it the most. The people who do the bonus online work for extra credit have also probably studied and taken the quizes seriously and done the homework. The people who are most likely to fail the test are probably not the folks who are going to take 40 minutes to get the extra 5 points on their test.

One semester, one teacher allowed people to take a test home and correct it for half-credit. So if you got a 50, you could correct the ones you missed and bring it up to a 75. More than half of the class didn't bother to even try. Coincidentally, about half of the class failed the final. What a surprise!

So anyhoo, tomorrow should be fun. Then I'm off for a 4-day weekend. Woohoo. I've got to mow the lawn and write a paper, and I'm good. I'm already looking forward to it.

... and better!

So, Monday morning was lousy, and stretched into the afternoon with crap piled on crap.

About 5:00, I get an email. My college loan refunds have hit my account. You know what that means...

SHOPPING!!!

I went and picked up a new laptop. I know, I've been whining for weeks. I was all settled on these Acer Timeline super-slim laptops, but they come with a really poor processorn and no optical drive. Also, my last one was an Acer... maybe I don't trust them so much. So instead I get an Asus. This Asus:

What's nice is that it comes with a dual core processor and DVD-ROM drive, for only a few dollars and maybe a half pound of weight more than the Acer, with similar battery life.

Also, I got my birthday present a little early...

Things keep getting worse...

Had a doctor's appointment today. When I got in my car it was full of water because I forgot to roll up my window during the storms over the weekend. I had to wait an hour at the doctor's office before I saw the doctor. My meds have been switched again after 3 hours of back and forth and bullshit between the doctor and the pharmacy. Now I have to take the pills three times a day instead of all at once. I'm so pissed off I was shouting in the Target parking lot earlier today. I'm just fed up.

I tried to take an online quiz for my math class, and I got a 45% on it because I couldn't get my head in the game. Luckily, I get a second chance at it, but I have to take it again by Wednesday. I'm having a really bad time all over.

I'm having a very hard time with controlling my irritation at this point, I really am. On top of all of that, I might or might not have a test tomorrow. Since the instructor was out all last week, who knows whether or not he'll actually do the test. I'm going to have to break out of this ugly headspace in order to study, which is going to be nearly impossible.

Sunday Stealing: One Long Meme (Part One)

Come play the meme thingy here.

1. The phone rings. Who will it to be? Your mom. She wants me to bring the handcuffs next time.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? No, I take it home with me. I'm building a giant cart-robot sculpture in the back yard.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? I'm a talker... except when I'm listening, and even then I'm talking.

4. Do you take compliments well? I actually shoplift compliments on occasion, and I've never been arrested for it. Does that count?

5. Do you play Sudoku? I don't even know Sue, why would I doku her?

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? Yes, right up until the moment I died.

7. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Just once. Turns out I'm allergic to fresh air and kayaks.

8. What was your favorite game as a kid? Hide the poop.

9. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew she was married, would you? Yes, I would... you did mean "kill her, skin her, and sautee her in a red wine sauce" right?

10. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? I could, but I don't think my wife would appreciate it.

11. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? I prefer the stalker role, as the restraining orders clearly spell out.

12. Use three words to describe yourself? Alive with flavor.

13. Do any songs make you cry? Depends on how heavy it is if I drop it on my foot.

14. Are you continuing your education? No, I decided to stop learning things when I was 11. I saw a copy of that book "All I Ever Needed To Know I Learned in Kindergarten" and realized that I had just wasted 6 years on further education.

15. Do you know how to shoot a gun? I respectfully decline to answer that question on advice of counsel

16. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? I looked into it once, but there wasn't anything in the photo booth worth taking pictures of. You'd think they'd at least put a vase and some flowers in there.

17. How often do you read books? What, all of them?

18. Do you think more about the past, present or future? Yes.

19. What is your favorite children’s book? "Ethel the Aardvark Goes Quantity Surveying."

20.What color are your eyes? Plaid.

21. How tall are you? Not as tall as I would like to be. My feet don't quite reach the ground.

22. Where is your dream house located? Is "in a dream" a location?

23. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed? I'll grab my socks, right after I drop my cock.

24. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? I can't recall, every time feels like the last time.

25. Where was the furthest place you traveled today? To my dream house, in Dream Land.

26. Do you like mustard? What the hell kind of personal question is that?!?! I don't come to your house and inquire about condiments, do I?!?!

Damned weather!

So, we FINALLY started watching Watchmen after having it sitting around for a whole week. We get maybe 40 minutes in... and the power goes out. And stays out for two hours. The roads are flooded, which means there's no place for the dog to go poop. The monster mac-daddy flashlight? No juice.

So, my wife read by the light of a smaller flashlight, powered by the same batteries as my power tools(smart of me!) and I read by the light of my iPod. Thank Satan the power is back on!

Poor sick puppy!

My dog spent the day at the vet, after spending a night crapping bloody nasty all over the house, puking up a storm, and peeing everywhere. We need a steam cleaner, STAT!

Anyhoo, $600 later she's well-hydrated, a little less miserable acting, and actually interested in food for the first time in a few days... not that we could give her any tonight. Tomorrow she gets a small bowl of boiled chicken and rice, and we'll see how that goes. Something good/frustrating about the whole experience is how very willing to compromise and negotiate the vet's office is, when you tell them you have no money. Magically, everything becomes cheaper. Here's the question though: how many people don't get any treatment for their sick pet because they don't know that the vet's office will waive the up-front payment and give you some services for free if you set a very strict spending limit at the beginning?

We have thirty days to pay the balance, after the 30% initial installment... which means that my college loan refund isn't going to go as far as I had hoped. We were going to pay my in-laws back some of the money they lent us, but now we're going to pay them back somewhat less. Oh well, were we supposed to let the dog die? Am I supposed to give up my birthday presents? Should I have to sacrifice in any way? Please! I'm WAY too important! Plus, you only turn 35 once.

Of course, if it had been my watch, my laptop, paying back the in-laws, eating well, and every other non-essential bill... or my dog's life? I'd be eating mac and cheese every night for the rest of the year. Stuff is stuff, but Ginger is my baby girl.

Movies: He-Man? Really?

Look, I'm a big fan of toys and cartoons and comic books and all manner of things that I've had with me since childhood. I love movies too. So, when you combine them I'm usually all happy about it. I loved the recent Batman movies, Iron Man, even The Incredible Hulk and Superman Returns. I liked the first Transformers movie, and I'm sort of looking forward to catching G.I. Joe when it comes out on Blu-ray.

The problem is, there's sort of not much of my childhood left to rape. If you want to talk "scraping the bottom of the barrel" look no further than the proposed He-Man movie. He-Man? He's a guy in a furry Speedo with a sword and weird S&M chest harness thing, who rides a giant green cat. He carries a sword, and his disguise is that he wears a tight shirt, a vest-thing, and is apparentlty homosexual.

Impressive, right? His enemy is Skeletor, a ridiculously muscled guy with a skull for a face. Also possibly gay.

It is a sci-fi/fantasy mashup, with laser guns and swords. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

They even made a live-action movie of it once before, starring DOLPH LUNDGREN and FRANK LANGELLA! Holy shit, what a giant turd. Courteney Cox in it too. It was awesome in its terribility.

Luckily for the world, and my sanity, Warner Bros. has cancelled their planned "reboot." What the fuck is next though... MY LITTLE PONY: THE MOTION PICTURE?!?!?!

My puppy is sick!

I woke up this morning to poop by the front door. I didn't make a big deal about it. I walked the dog first thing, and she pooped again. I went out for a few hours, and made sure to walk her first.

I got home and there was another big pile of poop in front of the TV. I about lost my damned mind... and then I saw ANOTHER pile of poop. I realized that this is just not normal for my dog, so I didn't yell at her. I noticed that she was acting sort of weird, on top of the "don't be mad, I pooped in the house" stuff. Kind of like she was sick.

She went out and pooped some more outside at least once before my wife got home. Then she puked a couple of times in the house. My dog is totally sick, and we're starting to worry about it a bit. She's not acting like she's dying or anything, but you can tell she doesn't feel great. Then I remembered... my wife fed her the bone from the pork roast on Monday, that I had been planning on making soup with, and then fed her about 8 ounces of steak yesterday.

I guess she's sick from eating too much people food. No more of that!

About a week to go...

...before I can buy my new laptop! Yeah! Kick-ass!

Also, maybe, just maybe... a new watch? My parents came through in a big way, and now I can get some sort of non-Timex timepiece for my wrist, so I can be cool and bag all the hot chicks. It will be an early birthday present, although I may want it gift-wrapped so I can hold on to it for a few weeks and open it on my actual birthday?

My wife has picked out a purple iPod Nano... I never expected that, but why not? I'm usually the one who wants stuff, and it makes me happy that she's getting in on the act too. Speaking of which, I'm headed to Macy's tomorrow to see if they have the dishes she wants. It would be cool to get them locally. We're getting everything in the set, INCLUDING the dog and cat food bowls.

I likes matching shit. Maybe a little too much. Maybe a LOT too much. Once my wife picked the pattern, I was down for matching place mats and cutting boards and salt and pepper shakers and the other 50+ things in the catalog. Also, I want a $900 set of kitchen knives and some ridiculous awesome cookware. If I had a million dollars, Williams-Sonoma would get half of it...

Back to the watch shopping. Weirdness on a message board devoted to watches. I asked about Invicta watches, they sell them on Shop NBC. They look fancy, and they range in price from $49 all the way up to maybe $2000. The strange part is that there is an active message board of people who collect these watches, but ONLY THE CHEAP ONES. It is not a ringing endorsement of a brand when someone who have seven of them tells you that you shouldn't bother spending more than $200 on one, because they are sort of all crap, but at least a $49 crap watch doesn't set you back much. I guess if you own 15 cheap watches, none of them spend enough time on your wrist to get much wear and tear. On the other hand, my ultimate goal is to buy one very nice watch that I can wear forever and never want another one. It doesn't have to be a Rolex or anything that fancy, but I already have a couple of cheap watches and I don't see a need to collect any more crap.

Anyhoo... yeah. Wednesday or Thursday of next week. Then there will be pictures!

Happy Labor Day?

Since I don't have a job, it wasn't much.

But if you worked, and you got the day off? If you get weekends and overtime pay? Benefits even?

Thank the unions and the Democrats.

If you don't like that stuff, go vote Republican... and go to hell.

Everyone have a great week, I'm already dreading going to school tomorrow and sitting through 6 hours of classes. I think I'm going to save myself a little stress by going in a little early, staking out a parking space, and walking to my classes instead of driving between them. The parking situation is so out of hand that it is quicker to walk between the two campuses than it is to drive and find parking. We're at 95% capacity, part of the parking lot is flooded, and people without cars have the bright idea of blocking the only lane of traffic so that they can get dropped off close to the doors. Fucking inconsiderate assholes, I would kick some ass but that would only slow things down more.

Sunday Stealing: The Random Dozen Meme

You can play here.

1. When you go to Wowmart, what one thing do you get every single time, besides a funky-wheeled squeaking cart full of frustration?

Drugs. That's the only reason I go there, and soon I won't even go for that.

2. What is something that people are currently “into” that you just don’t get or appreciate?

Twitter, Facebook, whatever music the young people listen to.

3. What is something that really hoists your sail that other people might feel “ho-hum” about?

Low-budget horror movies.

4. Favorite song to sing in the shower or car?

If I'm singing, it is something I made up on the spot, and includes profanity and racial slurs.

5. A really great salad must have this ingredient:

Bacon. Everything tastes better with bacon!

6. What advice in a nutshell would you give to new bloggers?

Read my blog!

7. What was the alternate name that your parents almost named you? Do you wish they had chosen it instead of the one they gave you?

I think my parents got it right the first time.

8. What in your life are you waiting for?

Money for a new laptop.

9. You get a package in the mail. What is it, and who is it from?

My Dad sometimes sends me weird packages with comic books and hot sauces.

10. Today–what song represents you?

Fucking Hostile by Pantera

11. What is one thing that blogging has taught you about yourself?

That some things are better left private, and my need for privacy is even stronger than I thought.

12. How are you going to (or how did you) choose the clothes you’re wearing today?

I'm still wearing what I was wearing last night.

What do they say about you in general or specifically how you’re feeling today?

It says that it is Sunday, and I haven't gone for a walk yet. I haven't even put on pants yet!

Xmas in September

...well, the shopping at least.

I'm used to getting started thinking about Xmas earlier than most people. Growing up, we didn't believe in Santa and my parents didn't always have tons of money. My parents would put things on layaway, which meant that the earlier you declared a wish list, the more likely you were to get everything on it. So I start making my list in August or September. I can rattle off a few thousand things that I want at any given moment. It drives my wife nuts!

What drives ME nuts is that my wife doesn't ever have a list. She wants maybe a book or something, nothing specific. She's not a huge fan of jewelry, which takes away the easiest gift idea. Especially now, because we don't have tons of money and I don't have a job, it is even more important that she give me a list early. That way I have time to tuck away a few dollars every payday so I can get what she wants... as soon as she figures out what that is!

I've been pressuring her lately, and she's given me a nice long list of things. Not that I can afford all of it, of course. But at least I have an idea of what I need to go shopping for.

fun times on Friday

I'm sick from being around those diseased children at school.

Allergies too.

It is wet and nasty and hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock.

I spent the day doing dishes and vacuuming up broken glass.

So, guess what I did all evening?

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!!!

Have a great weekend folks...

Can you guys buy me a watch?

I has to wait two more weeks to buy a new laptop, and I hope this one lasts until then. It crashes at least 2-3 times a day, which means I can't count on it AT ALL. I'd really like to have a computer I can take to class, but if it crashes three times in one class, what's the use? Unfortunately, because of circumstances beyond my control, I probably won't have the money to also get a watch for my birthday in four weeks. I'm so sad!

Of course I'm being just a little bit petty and greedy, but that has never stopped me before. After all, you could say that I'm already getting a new computer so why am I complaining about not also getting a new watch. I would reply that you're an asshole, I want a watch too!! And while you're out buying me a new watch, can you pick me up a couple of guitar effects pedals, a microphone, a new cell phone, a pinkie ring and a giant dollar sign medallion? As long as I'm asking for shit I'll never get, I might as well go big!

It is all OK, I guess... I'm not nearly as attached to stuff as I used to be, except when I'm feeling stressed or depressed, in which case getting stuff makes me feel better about myself. If I could have some fancy stuffs, people would say "ooooohhh, Joe has fancy stuffs, he's awesome!" Luckily for my wallet and my wife's sanity, I'm mostly too old to worry about impressing people, especially relative strangers whose opinion doesn't really fucking matter.

I'm kind of stressed right now, but I'm finding better ways to deal with it, like going for walks with my dog. Spending money on things I don't need isn't as ultimately fulfilling as doing something good for myself like exercise. Really anything that involved doing something, achieving something or other. That's the sort of thing that makes me feel good about myself in a healthy way. I'd rather feel proud of something I've done, rather than something I've bought.

For instance, if I can convince everyone reading this to kick in $100 towards a new watch, I'll have achieved something more meaningful than if I had just bought the watch myself. :)

More about school

Yeah, because these are my most popular posts... :)

Let's start with Mrs. Chili's questions:

1. Yes, I'm IN school. I attend all of my classes in person, for 6 straight hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I'm lucky in that my first two classes are in the same classroom, so I can just sit there fore three hours and not have to look for parking. Yay?
2. My Lit teacher is very vague as to what the assignments actually require. For instance, we have a 10-page "reading journal" due at the end of the semester. There's no hint as to what format this "journal" is supposed to take. There's also an oral report due at some undetermined date, but there's no information on it at all besides a length. And, from my experience with this professor, asking questions won't help. She will likely say something like "do it in an informative way." It almost seems like you can do ANYTHING and get an "A" but I feel like I should do the oral report this weekend, and see if it meets her requirements. Otherwise, I could do it right before it is due and then find out that it is wrong.

Beyond that... classes seem ok. I really approve of my Trig professor, because he posts the entire semester's homework list the first day of classes, and every lecture's notes are posted as PDF files online, so if you miss a day or two of class you don't have to fall behind. The pre-calculus instructor is a little strange, but he's got a knack for making complex ideas seem simple: I had him for Intermediate Algebra, and it took me a month or two to realize that he wasn't just talking down to the class. And my American History professor seems to be pretty excited about the whole thing, which is never a bad thing.

As for me... I'm not sure where I'm at. I hope I can get my head in the game quickly, but these months off have sort of ruined my motivation. Luckily for me, I only have to get motivated to go twice a week. If I had classes 4-5 days a week this might be a problem.

First day of school!

First impression: not a lot of assignments or tests, but a lot of work to keep up with if I plan on getting a 4.0 again.

First off, that was WAY TO EARLY IN THE MORNING! I'm getting fucking old, and dragging my ass out to get my daily walk in before I go to school is really difficult. I was up at 6AM, and out walking at 6:30. Then I was in class at 8AM, and didn't get out until 2PM. That's a lot of school for one day, especially after getting up so early. I am hugely dehydrated, because I forgot my water jug... I can't do that again. I made it through though.

Here's a quick rundown of my day:

8:00-9:20: Pre-calculus. Easy math stuff, I should ace this one

9:30-10:50: Trigonometry. Harder math, better teacher. I should do OK as long as I do all of the homework and study.

11:00-12:20: English Lit. lots of reading, not much writing. This is the same professor I had for Composition. She's acceptable, although I find her assignments to be rather vague.

12:30-2:00: American History. I don't know... I need it for my degree. History classes can go any way, I hope this one goes well.

I'm beat. I'm not used to the hours, or sitting and listening to lectures. I'll get used to it. I'm just glad to be back!