Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
... I think it is probably my first. Lookit, it came from the Bookish Blonde blog, written by one Sharon McPherson. I'll bet she's got an accent. I always read her blog with an accent in my head. :)
- Thanksgiving means stuffing. Stuffing my face with Stove Top stuffing. I make it in a casserole dish with cheese and ground up Italian sausage. I could seriously eat myself into a heart attack before my 40th birthday with that.
- I have a barely controlled desire to spend the rent money on Bobble Heads. I go through this every month.
- I'm a little jealous of the kids that I'm in classes with. They are all so young, all have their entire lives ahead of them, they have room to make mistakes. Damn them all!
- In most of my dreams, I have big guns and I'm shooting people. People, aliens, monsters, zombies... these are happy dreams. I used to dream that I was running away.
- I am a terrible guitar player. I can really tell now, because I've got some pretty decent equipment. I should have stuck with cheap gear and blamed it for my crap playing.
- Celebrity gossip intrigues me.
- I think comic books... I mean "graphic novels"... are more interesting than most other forms of literature. I'm sort of a reverse-snob that way.
- "If you disagree with me, you're wrong." Everyone believes that, I'm one of the few people honest enough to say it out loud. Also, it is true... if you don't agree with me, you are actually objectively wrong. Change your mind already!
- I have like 40 pens. No reason for them. I had some pens, and then there were pens on sale, and now I have piles of them. Too bad I never take notes in English, and I take notes in History on my laptop.
- I really am my own favorite topic. I'm so interesting! OK, not really. After all, I've already heard all of my own stories.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
1. What is your favorite written work of horror fiction?
2. What is your favorite work of science fiction/fantasy?
3. Who is your favorite monster?
4. What is your favorite Horror movie?
5. What horror movie gives you the most chills?
6. What character from any horror film would you most like to play?
7. Freddy or Jason?
8. What is your favorite Halloween treat?
9. Ghosts or goblins?
10. Friendly-faced jack-o'-lantern or scary one?
11. What is your scariest encounter with the paranormal?
12. Do you believe in ghosts? Why or why not?
13. Would you rather be a zombie, alien, or psycho?
14. Favorite Halloween costume?
15. Best thing about Halloween?
16. Person in your family who most likes Halloween (not counting yourself)?
17. Are you superstitious?
18. Share an unusual Halloween story.
19. What did you do for Halloween as a kid?
20. What's the best Halloween party that you've attended?
Saturday, October 24, 2009
- Stop signs? Why bother paying attention to them? Here in Florida, the first car stops at a stop sign, and when it is clear 6 cars follow behind that first one without slowing down. I guess they think if they stop anywhere within 100 yards of the sign, that's good enough. Of course, they then drive 20 miles over the speed limit in a 35 MPH zone on their way to Walmart or Starbucks or wherever assholes go when they're in a hurry.
- What's up with "mentally defective angry man-boy" comedies. Anything with Adam Sandler or Will Ferrell or half of the other popular male characters involves "humor" based around a 30-45 year old man acting like a 10 year old with a borderline retarded IQ and impulse control issues. It isn't funny, it is just pathetic.
- As a more general complaint about movies, when someone punches another person we call that assault, and someone goes to jail for it. In too many movies, we see the bad guy beat up the good guy, set fire to his house or car, or kill his dog with a baseball bat... and no one calls 911 and files a police report. I'm thinking of The Next Karate Kid with Hillary Swank(!), where the high school ROTC teacher instructs his students to set fire to another student's car, murder him, and make it look like an accident. You know, because the guy made them look silly during study hall or something like that. Good reason for an adult to advocate killing a fellow student. That happens all the time in real life.
- I'm fed up with Mac commercials. I know I've mentioned it before, but they just sound desperate and ugly now. Guess what? Macs are shit computers that cost too fucking much and aren't particularly useful for most people. If they were worth a shit, they would sell them by telling us how good they are, instead of lying about how bad PCs are. I want to punch that Mac guy in the face... and then set fire to his car, murder him, and make it look like an accident.
- I wonder if it is possible to eat too much red meat. This is what my menu looks like on a normal week: Steaks, London broil, beef tacos, roast beef, roast chicken, steak, tacos. We throw in a chicken every week for variety, and usually I'll work some bacon into the mix one or two nights a week.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Shhhh... I'm in class RIGHT NOW!!!!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
A- Advocate for: More pie.
B- Best Feature: Pancreas.
C- Could do without: One kidney.
D- Dreams and desires: Three kidneys.
E- Essential items: The other kidney.
F- Favorite past time: Last week.
G- Good at: Everything worth being good at.
H- Have never tried: Being eaten by a crocodile.
I- If I had a million dollars: I wouldn't be answering these questions.
J- Junkie for: heroin.
K- Kindred spirit: Caspar the Friendly Ghost.
L- Little known fact: Those jeans DO make your ass look fat.
M- Memorable moment: Can't think of one.
N- Never again will I: jump out of a plane without a parachute.
O- Occasional indulgence: deep-fried fetus fritters.
P- Profession: Republicans hate America, and it is up to all good people to stop them.
Q- Quote: ""-- Me
R- Reason to smile: Gas pains.
S- Sorry about: your penis.
T- Things you are worrying about right now: do I have any extra staples?
U- Uninterested in: almost everything.
V- Very scared of: almost nothing.
W- Worst habits: Memes. Fetus eating.
Y- Yummiest dessert: candied muskrat.
X- X marks my ideal vacation spot: X
Z- Zodiac sign: Ophiuchus.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
- It is still kind of fucking hot here. We're planning our Thanksgiving and looking forward to Halloween, and it is still in the 80s and 90s during the day. Nasty stuff.
- I've seen way too many episodes of Law & Order and its spin-offs. And, since the Law & Order universe uses and reuses actors multiple times, watching one of the new episodes becomes a game of figuring out what other episodes this week's guest stars were on. This week, Jim Gaffigan was on as the main suspect. He played a funeral home owner who was allowing a hitman to steal DNA from corpses on an episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent a few years back.
- My office stays messy these days. My office is a reflection of what's going on in my brain these days. These days my mind is disorganized, manic, anxious, whatever. Not at all good times. I have a hard time sitting down and reading a book, watching a movie, or anything else that requires sitting in one place for more than 10 minutes. I may have to take a break and come back to the blog later...
- I want to kick Bill Maher in the nuts. He's one of those anti-vaccine idiots who is using his HBO show and public stature to promote an agenda that is contrary to science, reason, and common sense. If he was talking about UFOs or Bigfoot, I wouldn't care. He's giving unqualified medical advice, that could cause people to die. That's why I have an issue with it.
- Kevin Smith, the movie director, is a major pot smoker. He's really become a pathetic addict, and it is pretty sad. People say you can't get addicted to marijuana... but those people are stupid. There's something inherently weak about someone who is 40 years old, married with a kid, who is constantly getting high in order to get through every day. He needs to get into rehab before his wife dumps him.
- Had split pea soup for lunch again. Any excuse for bacon...
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Sunday Stealing: The Magical Mystery Tour Meme
1. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet? According to physics, it would probably have to be none of us or all of us, since the rules really can’t be suspended for just the one person.
2. How do you flush the toilet in public? The tricky part is getting the toilet into a public place without getting stopped, and not having performance anxiety in front of a bunch of people while your pants are around your ankles.
3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? In the car, at home, at the beach, in the pool… the seatbelt is an accessory you can wear with almost any outfit, in any situation.
4. Do you have a crush on someone? I sat on my cat once.
5. Name one thing you worry about running out of. Peppermint-flavored bacon
6. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble? Catherine Zeta-Jones
7. What is your favourite pizza topping? Pickled fetus.
8. Do you crack your knuckles? Only when I punch someone in the head for asking me dumb questions…
9. What song do you hate the most? Whatever one is your favorite… you have shite taste.
10. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head? Did my mocking of your favorite song get it stuck in yours?
11. What are your super powers? I can fart the alphabet.
12. Peppermint or spearmint? Governmint.
13. Where are your car keys? In your mom… we got a little too kinky last night.
14. Last song you listened to? The theme song from “The A-Team”… it is in heavy rotation on my iPod.
15. What's your most annoying habit? Punching nuns, and double-dipping my chips in the fetus dip at parties.
16. Where did you last go on vacation? Ask your mom.
17. What is your best physical feature? Ask your mom.
18. What CD is closest to you right now? The instructional CD that came with the cock ring your mom bought me.
19. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator? Fetus queso, a Beretta 9mm pistol, and A-1 sauce.
20. What superstition do you believe/practice? I believe that every time I punch a nun, and angel gets its wings… bitten off by a dragon.
21. What colour are your bed sheets? You know… if you would call your mother a little more often, you wouldn’t have to ask me all of these questions every week!
22. Would you rather be a fish or a bird? Depends on how I’m going to be cooked.
23. Last thing you broke? Wind.
24. What are you having to eat tonight? Pickled fetus with a black bean salsa.
25. What colour shirt are you wearing? I think it is orange under all the blood, but it is hard to tell.
26. If you could be doing anything else today, what would you rather be doing? Your mom.
27. Do security cameras make you nervous? Depends on whether or not I’m dragging a toilet into a public place at the time.
28. If you wrote a book about your life, what would the title be? “Fetuses, Nun-Punching, and Your Mom: A Love Story”
29. Last time you went to a cemetery? I went looking for fetuses once… people don’t seem to actually bury them in a cemetery, even though many people believe that a fetus is a human being. I think that should tell us all something. I think it tells us that lots of people are eating fetuses and just won’t cop to it.
30. Last concert you went to? Sesame Street Live
31. Favourite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert? Oscar the Grouch… that Muppet has a magical way of pounding on the side of his garbage can.
32. Next concert you're planning to attend? Your mom? Yeah, I’m pretty much running on empty, snark-wise.
33. Do you talk to yourself? Why bother? I already know what I’m going to say.
34. Have you ever adopted or purchased a pet? Yeah, but I prefer kidnapping them from small children.
35. Have you ever been present when an animal is being born? No… I think that would make it harder to eat them later.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
OK, so we all know that the only book right-wing fundamentalist Christians read is "The Bible," a collection of Bronze Age myths and fairy tales that says "Thou Shalt Not Kill" and then lists hundreds of reasons why you should murder your neighbors. Of course, "The Bible" also contains some stuff like "love thy neighbor" and "turn the other cheek" and other hippie liberal bullshit that gets in the way of hating queers and polyester/cotton blends. I didn't make this shit up... that was a bunch of sheepherders from thousands of years ago. They believe it is 100% true, and all of it should be followed... which is why the fundie Christians kill people outside of Red Lobster all the time.
Anyhoo, there's SO MUCH hippie liberal bullshit in the "inerrant word of 'God'" that a group of "conservatives" have decided to edit out all those bits. I'm not shitting you, they're hyper-religious and hate the "secular humanists" and all that, but they plan on taking a hatchet the "The Bible" and make sure that "God" and "Jesus" are painted as good Republicans in every word of the book. From the Conservative Bible Project:
Liberal bias has become the single biggest distortion in modern Bible translations. There are three sources of errors in conveying biblical meaning:
lack of precision in the original language, such as terms underdeveloped to convey new concepts of Christianity
§ lack of precision in modern language
§ translation bias in converting the original language to the modern one.
Of these three sources of errors, the last introduces the largest error, and the biggest component of that error is liberal bias. Large reductions in this error can be attained simply by retranslating the KJVinto modern English.
Here are possible approaches to creating a conservative Bible translation:
§ identify pro-liberal terms used in existing Bible translations, such as "government", and suggest more accurate substitutes
§ identify the omission of liberal terms for vices, such as "gambling", and identify where they should be used
§ identify conservative terms that are omitted from existing translations, and propose where they could improve the translation
§ identify terms that have lost their original meaning, such as "word" in the beginning of the Gospel of John, and suggest replacements, such as "truth"
Are you fucking kidding me? No, seriously... ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!
Even beyond the whole batshit crazy idea of "liberal bias" in "The Bible"... since when was the word "government" a liberal term? Certainly, it explains why 100% of modern Republican ideas about government are stupid and useless. The deeper idea is that they want to attack the sort of interpretation of "The Bible" that allowed for things like the abolition of slavery, the civil rights movement, social justice, equality under the law, and whatever other positive influence Christianity might have on people.
It is interesting... these "people" hate America and their fellow human beings so much that they are willing to even attack their own religion to hurt us. Sickening doesn't even begin to describe it.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Tokyo, Japan
2. Where was your profile picture taken? Inside my mouth.
3. Can you play Guitar Hero? With my toes.
4. Name someone who made you laugh today. What was it about? Godzilla, he fell out of my mouth last night and had to fight my dog to climb up on the bed and get back to Tokyo.
5. How late did you stay up last night and why? I've been awake since August 7, 2003... no idea why.
6. If you could move somewhere else where would you and why? Tokyo, Japan... so I could live inside my own mouth.
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Even better, I've been kissed while Tokyo was putting on a fireworks show... in my mouth.
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? 12 million Japanese people.
9. Do you believe ex's can be friends? With benefits? It depends on what you mean by "benefits"... basic health coverage is possible, but dental and vision is simply a bridge too far.
10. Do you like Dr. Pepper? We maintain a strict doctor/patient relationship.
11. When was the last time you cried really hard? Really hard as opposed to just sniveling? The last really bad tsunami to hit Tokyo? That was me.
12. Who took your profile picture? Some Japanese guy, right before he started running away from Godzilla.
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? That same Japanese guy who took my profile picture... right before Godzilla chased him off.
14. Was yesterday better than today? Why? "Today" starts for me when I go to bed and wake up from "yesterday." Since the last time I slept was in 2003, I can say that today was better... or at least longer than the day before.
15. Can you live a day without TV? Not when a day lasts 6 years, although I did make it for the first couple of years without even owning a TV.
16. Are you upset about anything now? Yeah, I'm not really happy with the pollution in Tokyo right now.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Depends on the hourly rate, or if you get a discount for the whole night.
18. Are you a bad influence? You tell me.
19. Night out or night in? Night Train
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? Jesus.
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? Come see me in the Hospital.(It was from Jesus.)
23. How do you feel about your life right now? 5-6 degrees too warm.
24. Do you hate anyone? Not just anyone... who goes around just hating random people?
25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find? What's a "facebook"? I know what faces are, I know what books are... is it like a yearbook? And how would a bookface have an index?
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? I haven't had a chance to study, but I hope I would do OK.
27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? Yeah, but only around 2AM.
28. What song is stuck in your head? How do you get a song stuck in your head? Freak turntable accident?
29. Someone knocks on your window at 2 a.m., whom do you want it to be? Someone telling me I'm perfect. Or Alex Trebek.
30. Do you (or did you) want to have grandkids before you’re 50? For which meal, and cooked how?
31. Tell us your Saturday night. Shouldn't that be "you're"? Anyhoo..."You're Saturday night."
32. Do you think too much or too little? Yes.
33. Do you smile a lot? No, because that's how Godzilla keeps winding up on the floor.