Friday stuffs...

Just random things, since there's not much else going on:

• We're looking at a big tax refund this year, which we're going to use for bills and not much else. Yay for being grown-ups about it!
• I really shouldn't be this excited about wings and a salad for dinner, but since I'm on a diet this is sort of an extra-special treat.
• The boy cat eats the dog's food... weird enough, but especially funny just now. The dog's bowl is empty, and they were both sort of hovering around the bowl. The cat managed to pull a stray piece of kibble from behind the bowl, which the dog promptly ate. Serves him right, for being such a greedy little kitty bastard.
• School is going acceptably well. I have a hell of a lot of homework to do this weekend, but that's cool. It is all math-related, so no problems there.
• I have the best wife ever... and not just because she's cool with me getting another guitar. She's awesome all of the time.
• Next Wednesday, some guy on TV is going to attempt to eat a 48-oz steak and all of the fixings in under 2 hours. If he pulls it off, he'll be my hero for at least a week.
• Speaking of guitars, here are the choices of Joe's Next Guitar:

No more smoke alarms!!!

The low-battery beep happened in my office yesterday. This quickly led to me removing the batteries from half of the smoke detectors in the house.

Wait, let me back up. This house has the most sensitive smoke detectors on Earth. I understand that you don't want to roast in your bed when the cat chews through the coffee pot cord and sets fire to the drapes. I swear, I get that. These alarms go off if you boil water, or turn on the broiler. No smoke, just hot air sets these fucking things off. We've got one in the kitchen, and one about six feet away in the bedroom, and they go off in stereo every time I cook. I turned them off in the breaker box, but they still have batteries in them.

Make that had.

When the low-battery beep happened in my office, I went ahead and yanked the batteries out of three of them. There's still a couple more in the house, I guess they can keep us safe. I'd rather be burned alive than deal with the goddamned things. The low-battery thing is funny, watch the video:

Yeah... I have the plague. Woo!!

Sick as hell, I'm so sick even my wife knows it. Normally she scoffs, but NOT THIS TIME!!!

I'm still going to try to drag myself to school tomorrow, since it is just the second week, and I think it is bad form to miss in the first couple of weeks. Woo. Maybe I can infect everyone else. The plague is pretty contagious, last time I checked.

Later this week, we'll be having a contest here to pick out my next guitar. I'm trying to find something to motivate me to exercise, and losing 50 pounds in exchange for a new guitar sounds like the best of all possible motivations. That, and not dying of a heart attack before I'm 40. Either/or.

Other than that, nothing much here. It is taco night again, and we loves us some tacos. I need to buy some new extra-hot taco sauce one of these days. Does Tabasco work on the plague? Inquiring minds want to know.

First day back to school...

NIGHTMARE!!!!!!

Not the classes, the parking. I had to park what felt like a mile away from my first class, which was also over a half-mile from my other classes. I thought I was going to die, especially since I actually carried books to class with me. I won't make that mistake again. :)

This looks like it is going to be a really fun semester. The classes look to be challenging on an intellectual level without requiring tons of assignments to turn in. I'm looking forward to watching the crowds thin out over the next couple of weeks, but who knows what the kids are going to do these days. There were kids in my Trig and Precalc classes who were there every single day and didn't stand a fucking chance of passing.

That's something I just don't get. Back in my day, we failed classes for good reasons, like being too drunk to study and too hung over to attend classes. This thing of having perfect attendance and failing by a wide margin? I don't even come close to understanding that.

Winter Break from School is Over

... and so is winter! Sometimes, living is Florida has its advantages. For instance, I wore shorts and a short-sleeve shirt for my last exam in December, and odds are I'll be able to wear the same thing to class tomorrow. :)

I'm a little stressed out about school. I shouldn't be, but every semester I go through all sorts of weird stuff in my head. Part of it is that I always feel a little self-conscious about being so damned OLD. On top of that, strange sort of performance anxiety things, which makes no sense. I'm the smartest (non-savant) person alive! How could I possibly fail? My shrink says I'm supposed to write these things down and do sort of affirmations to retrain myself to be an arrogant narcissist. Little does she know that I'm already three-quarters of the way there!!!!

The problem is that in my life, I've either overdone things, or half-assed them. I'm working on finding a nice, comfortable balance. I need to work at school, but I've got to stop getting so crazy that I suffer insomnia and study too much. Yeah, it was cool to get over 100% in Precalculus, but a 90 counts exactly the same for my GPA. I seem to remember getting it right in high-school, where I got good grades but didn't freak out nearly as much. I also remember bowling being a part of that.

What I'm going to do is bowl more, take some guitar lessons, and otherwise keep myself busy. Me and the wife are going to see more movies, do more stuff out of the house, and we're even going to see a comedy show...

Yeah. I have a taste for terrible stand-up comedy. The show is during Spring Break, which is triple awesome.

So, tonight I'm going to look over the school stuff a little bit, and tomorrow I'm going to class again. Yay.

I need to pick up some crayons so I can do the Heavy Metal Fun Time Activity Book!!!!!

Thanks to Drollgirl for the Heavy Metal Fun Time Activity Book. Go read her blog!

I'm at a loss for words...

Not really, but the right ones are hard to find these days.

I'm talking about the Rob Zombie version of "Halloween 2." Holy sweet crispy chocolate-covered caramel Christ on a stick, is this movie a giant fucking stinker. Wow fuck. Shit biscuits.

Spoilers ahead. And by "spoilers" I mean "things that will keep you from wasting your time and money."

OK, so the two chicks who didn't die in the first one are back in the second one, and one of them is related to Michael Myers... and therefore has visions of the same insane shit that he did, and can see his dead mother the same way he can. Also, we're supposed to assume that the goofy mask gives Mike super powers. Or something.

The first goddamned half-hour of the movie is a dream sequence. You really don't need to know any more than that. Too bad that I'm going to tell you more. The flick clocks in at about 100 minutes if memory serves, and it can be split like so:

• 50 minutes of movie
• 40 minutes of White Zombie music videos
• 10 minutes of weird slo-mo and flashbacks that are half Lifetime Movie and half Grand Guignol

Not even as much fun as it sounds like.

The worst part of all of this is that Rob Zombie is capable of so much better. His last original movie, "The Devil's Rejects," was a sort of small masterpiece of exploitation horror. Even in "Halloween 2" there are several sections of the film that work really well. Somehow the whole thing comes off as a big mess, although if you watched any of a half dozen segments of a film as a preview you would think the whole thing might be pretty awesome. Somewhere in the story, script, and editing... it all sort of ran right off the rails.

Maybe this should serve as a lesson to Rob Zombie: go direct your own movies, with your own ideas, and leave the remakes and sequels to people who are less capable of doing original work.

The Most Annoying Thing I Can Think Of, Vol. 1

Yeah, there actually is a #1 spot on my list of things that annoy, piss off, make me want to lash out violently until all of my knuckles are broken and the offending party is reduced to a bleeding lump of meat. Want to know what it is?

Privileged people or groups who complain about how hard life is for them, and/or give suggestions that the underprivileged would be better off if only they surrendered more power to the already powerful. That never fails to engender in me the overwhelming urge to beat people to death with a shit-dipped sea bass.

For my first example of this, let's take a look at the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission has released its 'Top 10 list of Anti-Christian Acts of 2009'... this should be fun!

10. Pro-life Pastor Reverend Walter Hoye of Oakland, CA was jailed for exercising peaceful, pro-life speech. Because getting arrested for harassing and threatening women outside of an abortion clinic is a sign of Christians being persecuted, and not a sign of Christians persecuting people.

9. Rev. Fred Winters was murdered while preaching in his pulpit in Maryville, Illinois. Because being shot by a seriously mentally ill person while Christian is an automatic sign that you were shot because you were Christian, even when there is zero evidence to support the claim.

8. HBO’s program "Curb Your Enthusiasm" aired an episode where the main actor urinates on painting of Jesus. When confronted HBO would not apologize. Ahh, yes... Christians lie about a situation ON A TV SHOW!! where a picture is accidentally hit with a few droplets of urine, and claim that it was "urinated on" and that it is somehow Christian bashing.

7. The overt homosexual participation in Obama's presidential inaugural events by “Bishop” Vickie Eugene Robinson, the Gay Men's Chorus of Washington D. C., and a homosexual marching band. Because when you see gay people, if you don't immediately beat them to death then you are persecuting Christians.

6. Police called to East Jessamine Middle School in Lexington, Kentucky to stop 8th graders from praying during their lunch break for a student whose mother was tragically killed. Who knows? Based on the Christian track record for lying on this list, I doubt this is the whole story... even if it is, this seems pretty mild to me.

5. Pro-life activist Jim Pullion was murdered in front of his granddaughter's high school for showing the truth about abortion. Really? What about the other guy the killer shot, or the fact that he was such a terrible human being that his own son said that his father was actively trying to provoke people to hurt him? Seems to me less a killing for being a Christian, and more of being killed for being the biggest asshole in three states.

4. An activist judge ordered a home school mom in New Hampshire to stop home schooling her daughter because the little girl “reflected too strongly” her mother’s Christian faith. Yes, of course we want a young child to sit in a corner of her mother's bedroom for the entire day, studying fake Christian "facts" and being unable to relate to or communicate with children her own age in a normal and healthy way. That's very obviously an attack on Christianity, even though the child's father(who petitioned the court) also takes her to church.

3. The Federal Department of Homeland Security issued a report entitled "Rightwing Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate" that labeled conservative Christians extremists and potential terrorists. Here's more lying for Jesus, the level of integrity that makes me glad I'm an Atheist, so I don't have to associate with these folks. The report labeled right-wing religious extremists to be potential terrorists, not all Christians. I guess that the people who made this list know that their own outlook is too close to terrorism for comfort?

2. President Obama's appointment of radical anti-Christians like homosexual activist Kevin Jennings as the "safe school czar;" pro-abortion advocate Kathleen Seblius made Secretary of Human and Health Services, and Chai Feldblum, pro-homosexual and anti-religious liberty judge nominated for Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Yes, because anyone who isn't a radicalized fundamentalist is "anti-Christian."That includes most Christians, who aren't batshit enough to pass muster.

1. The Federal Hate Crimes Bill that attacks religious liberty and freedom of speech. For the first time in our history ministers are vulnerable to investigation and prosecution for telling the truth about homosexuality. This is awesome... they are basically admitting that their group is in fact an anti-homosexual hate group, and claiming that all of Christianity shares their desire to commit hate crimes? And, again... more fucking lying.

Now, let's take a look at the bigger issue, besides the crying and whining about non-issues, the claim that Christianity is under attack in a nation that is 80%+ Christian. Let's even ignore the rampant lying, and focus on the true sickness of this list.

Two things on the list, #9 and #5, involve people being killed. To these whackjobs, a person being murdered is less important than an HBO comedy show, or a father not wanting his child homeschooled. The most important thing on their list is predicated on their belief that the most vital function of the Christian faith is to hate gay people.

Yeah... awesome. I'm so glad that Christians are the majority in this country, because I cannot imagine the level of whining, lying, and heartless hatred and stupidity that would occur if they ever became a minority.

You Are Entered To Win...

I have spent a big chunk of the last week entering online sweepstakes with the hopes of winning... something. Shit, I don't care what. The last time I had as actual win was when I was 16 and I miraculously out-sprinted some rather tall and muscular (and seriously physically imposing to a person my size) guys in a 1600 meter race around the parking lot of a North Carolina telecom office complex.

So I'm entered for EVERYTHING.

Here's a quick list:

• A Fender Stratocaster with David Gilmour EMG pickups, plus a live concert DVD.
• A Billy Joe Armstrong Les Paul Jr.
• A large drawing that includes a guitar and amplifier for each of the next 12 weeks.
• A ModTone Pedal of my choice, and a new entry every week.
• A Jimi Hendrix Stratocaster and big CD box set.
• A complete recording set-up, including mixing board, monitor speakers, and computer interface.
• A Billy Corgan signature guitar.
• A Slash signature Epiphone guitar.
• My choice of an Eric Clapton or Jeff Beck Signature guitar.
• A Laguna electric guitar and a Line 6 Spider IV half-stack

And there's more!! That's just the stuff I could remember. Let's be real here: I'm an atheist and a rationalist, and I realize that my chances of winning any of these prizes is one divided by the total number of entries.

Nevertheless... I have faith. I never win. I NEVER win. My life is a series of losses. But. But...

But... the day I won that race, 19 years ago... I also won a drawing for a pair of shoes and a warm-up track suit. Maybe I can win again.

No. I WILL win again. By the sheer force of my will, I will win SOMETHING. I'll at least get a hat or a T-shirt or a bumper sticker. I cannot lose!!

So I've got a new shrink

The experience was... better than hoped for? It couldn't have been worse than that last guy, who made me want to punch him in the fucking face.

Here's how it went down. I got there about 15 minutes before my appointment. I started filling out the new patient paperwork while the staff of the place bustled around to take down the Christmas decorations. About five minutes before my session, the shrink pokes her head out.

"Joe? I'll be with you in just a second!"

So far, so good. I go in there, we do the pre-shrinking interview stuff. No I'm not crazy, I don't want to hurt myself or others, I don't hear Satan talking to me in my head. The usual.

We started talking about the issues I have, mostly stress and anxiety issues since my meds take care of the depression. We discussed school, and she told me that she went through the same thing in college. It was cool, a couple of over-stressed over-achievers talking about coping strategies. My previous coping strategy, which was just setting my sights really low and taking all of the pressure off, is clashing with my need to succeed in school.

So, we're trying Cognitive Therapy to get my brain to work around that issue, and for me to learn to accept that a 90 is just the same as 100, and an 85 isn't the end of the world. Imagine that. We went over some positive things about me, like my general kick-assitude and wicked smartifery, and I'm supposed to break off of negative thoughts and excessive studying by thinking about how awesome I am and going and doing other things instead of studying so much.

Who knows? Maybe this will work... at least it gives me something to do. I need goals and plans and strategies, and this seems like just the thing.

Back to the grind...

I'm trying to get a jump on next semester. I've got two weeks, and I want to sort of hit the ground running. So, I've cracked open the books, and I'm going to start going over the first couple of sections for each class.

This isn't the easy stuff I've been dealing with. I can't just sort of count on my native intelligence to carry me through. In this case, I'll actually have to study and learn the material before I even go to class, if I'm going to maintain my GPA and do well in these classes. Physics is going to be the worst, since it is calculus-based and I'm taking calculus at the same time.

I guess the plan is to start now and get the basics down, and when class starts I'll try to stay about a week ahead of the rest of the class. That way, I'll be good if I understand it, and I can ask useful questions in class to fill in the gaps. I don't know if I'm working too hard, and I've tried to back off on the hard work... but if I don't position myself for success, I will be hugely stressed and will probably STILL have to work my ass off. At least this takes some of the pressure off.

14 more days. Where did the time go?

Next time I feel bad?

I'm going to remind myself of something when I'm not feeling 100% happy or satisfied.

As I post this, at 10:24 at night on a Sunday, three years ago I would be on my way to work. In an unheated building. It is 40 degrees, and the low is going to be below freezing.

Yeah. There's nothing about going to school or life in general that is much worse than my old job. That English Lit class I just got done with was close, but not quite.